Tag: CONFIDENCE

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Sacrificing Your Friends For Your Future

shaniselene

It’s important to monitor your inner circle when it comes to pursuing your goals in life. One of the hardest realities I’ve faced has been learning to let go of individuals that have exceeded their expiration date. I used to be one of those people who held onto relationships (both platonic and romantic) based on the amount of time the person has been in my life.

After various events that took place within a friendship of mine, I realized that outgrowing people is a part of life and accepted the fact that everyone isn’t meant to come along during certain parts of my journey. If you care for your loved ones as much as I do, then you’ll understand why this decision wasn’t an easy one. There will be some people that take offense to your choice because they either don’t understand or don’t want to put in the effort to understand that you all may be growing apart and going separate paths.

One of my biggest mistakes were allowing some of those people to make me feel guilty for growing, for becoming the woman I am and wanting more for myself. Rather than encouraging me, I was ignored, called conceited and selfish. They were wrong about every description except classifying me as, “selfish”.  Even though I’m not a self absorbed person, for the past (6) months I’ve been extremely selfish with my funds, time and things I put my energy into. They say that your 20’s are the perfect time to think about yourself.  This is the time to make decisions for yourself and highly consider what’s best for you; it isn’t the time to settle. 

After having an epiphany and grasping what that concept really meant, I no longer felt the need to apologize for the decisions I’ve been making. I quickly learned that my true friends who genuinely supported me resided in different parts of the world. Sometimes we get so caught up on accessibility and fail to realize that just because something is available and tangible doesn’t always mean it’s in our best interest.

You want to ensure that those around you call you to the carpet when you’re slacking. Your friends must be able to hold you accountable for your actions even when they aren’t the best. They need to have the ability to feed your spirit and pour into you when you don’t have the energy to do it for yourself. 

In no way, shape or form am I telling you to drop your, “day 1’s”. However, I do encourage you to decipher who your are keeping in your life, why you are keeping them in your life and if they deserve to stay.

Beauty, Community, Lifestyle, Motivation, Opinions, Thoughts of a Black Girl, Urban Issues

Confidence Is Skin Deep

shaniselene

From adolescence, women are taught that beauty is vital. It’s attractive and the key to gaining a man’s attention, but what about confidence? Whether it’s on television, radio, magazines or social media, we are subconsciously reminded that beauty is heavily based upon the external. While most of us may be saying, “I’m confident with or without makeup”, but we all know there has been a point in time where we’ve felt the complete opposite.

Other than a pasty complexion, I take pride in a fresh face because it is all natural. Based on my past experiences, every person I’ve ever been involved with has either said they prefer me without makeup or I don’t need it. Although that isn’t enough to cease my cosmetic application completely, there is something liberating that comes along with wanting to wear makeup, but not needing to. During the recovery period from one of the biggest allergic reactions I’ve ever experienced, I had epiphany and realized my self confidence was at the lowest it has ever been.

I’ve never had acne or problematic skin, so acquiring contact dermatitis from a cosmetic product that I’ve been using for the last (5) years gave me the opportunity to empathize with those who do.  Who knew that having red spots on your face could affect how you felt about yourself overall? Regardless if they are temporary, the biggest issue was that I was uncomfortable because I’ve never experienced this before.

Even though this was a new feeling, I am a grateful for what I endured because it made me realize that I also had superior confidence within myself when everything was normal, but my self-esteem was questioned upon signs of trouble. I also learned that we tend to make things greater than what they are due to being self-conscious. Either people didn’t notice or my imperfections were insignificant because it did not prevent them looking or coming up and speaking to me. This was a clear indication that I was overthinking the entire situation and that I started relying on my exterior versus what I have to offer from within. This is no excuse, but it’s easier said than done when you are constantly reminded of your outer beauty.

This is why I encourage makeup free days for those who are uncomfortable without makeup. At the end of the day, you have to be happy with your reflection when you look in the mirror. I feel blessed to have self confidence with or without makeup, but I’m also thankful that I had this recent experience because it displayed my true self, gave me more confidence because it reminded me that I am more than my aesthetics and humbled me. The moment you’re able to feel as good as you do as you look on the outside, it’s like you become a whole new woman.

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Likes for your Soul?

shaniselene

Social media platforms such as, Instagram, are not only updating constantly, but evolving on a tremendous level. As a blogger, it is important to consistently post quality content in order to maintain your brand, however, Instagram’s recent changes has made it extremely difficult to reach new accounts and engage with others on the platform; even your current followers have become more difficult to connect with due to the algorithm. 

Most of us would agree that the order in which your feed is displayed is one of the worst attributes of Instagram, but I believe the affect it has on the psyche and our self esteem takes the cake. Rather than utilizing this social media outlet to connect with family and friends whom you may not be able to engage with on a daily basis, it is now used to obtain followers, likes and views. To make matters worse, people are willing to do anything for attention; anything to get them seen. This includes paying ridiculous sums of money for advertisements and promotions to compromising their morals and values. 

For those of us like myself, who’s accustomed to being in the spotlight or characterized as the popular kid in school, attention isn’t something you crave when it’s always been handed to you. Please be advised that I am not excluding myself from experiencing a time of self doubt due to social media, however, the confidence and self assurance that I have both internally and externally play a major role in preventing me from falling victim to the psychological plague of Instagram.

Although I’ve received from flack from friends, outsiders and individuals with cyber courage that stated I wouldn’t be able to relate to certain struggles on Instagram because I meet a majority of the standards of beauty or been trendy before Instagram existed, my main goal is to educate and inspire others through my medical school journey, new ventures throughout my career and levels in which God has brought me to and places He intends to take me. I want others to know that He can do the same for them and not to allow the perception of society limit them to what they can do. 

No shade to the accounts that have reached large pinnacles of success, but most of them eat, live and sleep Instagram and have nothing else going on for themselves outside of it. When you begin collaborating with other bloggers or influencers, receive deals from major companies and network with successful individuals in the industry, you learn that IG is not all it’s cracked up to be. It isn’t REAL. The more you begin to focus on all of the positives in your life, what you currently have and cultivating the things in your world, the hype of Instagram will begin to fade and eventually, you won’t even notice it. Remember to water your own grass rather than sprinting in a never ending rat race chasing something unobtainable.

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Self Love

shaniselene

There comes a point in time where life events take place that affect our self esteem. Whether it’s being laid off from your job, you’re experiencing a random breakout or grieving a traumatizing breakup, it all has an impact on our self esteem. Based on my experiences, if it wasn’t for the love and value I possess for myself, I would not have survived certain situations.

Being confident in who you are gives you the freedom to refrain from subjecting yourself to what others think. I stumbled across a suggested page on one of my social media handles and the young lady posted a video responding to negative comments about her weight. She politely stated that she is aware that she is, “skinny” and is satisfied with her size. The young lady also rejected any suggestions that have been made to gain weight similar to her sister’s. My favorite portion of the video was when she made it a point to elaborate regardless of the number of hate comments she acquired, the bottom line is, “I love me”.

Most of us have a difficult time admitting this, but only a portion of us can actually agree with her statement; some of us actually aren’t satisfied with who we are. The minute our skin is compromised, we start to wonder if our significant other would still view us in the same light or if our peers would respect us in the same manner if we decrease our weekend outings due to a job loss. We all have insecurities, as we should because it keeps us humble and we are human, but we should not allow the things that we aren’t pleased with to dictate our overall perception of ourselves. 

It may be hard to stomach, but self love doesn’t happen when everything is going well; it takes place during hard times. The stages that take place before obtaining true self love can be perceived as boot camp; it’s there to strip away remnants that no longer serve a purpose and mold you into the person who you are within. If you are reading this, love yourself on your good days and even more on your bad days, reward yourself for all of your accomplishments regardless of how minor they be, stop looking for validation from others because you are your biggest competition and always remember that no one will love you like YOU.

Motivation, Thoughts of a Black Girl

Monday Push

Sandré

Ever find yourself in an uncomfortable space? A space where things seem to not be going as planned. You’ve always been pretty good at making things happen behind the scenes and have never been afraid to take risks. I personally always tell myself, “things will always work itself out” and “money will always find its way back.” Realistically, this is not always the case. Maybe these last few weeks money is tight, and things do not seem to be working themselves out. In fact, mental breakdowns are reoccurring. Sometimes we become so overwhelmed or displeased with our reality that we find ourselves dwelling in self-pity, thinking we are less than, and even questioning God, asking why certain things aren’t happening as quickly or in the manner that we would like. We even begin to compare our situation with others, and of course from “an outside looking in perspective.” Check this out:

WE ARE ALL ON DIFFERENT PATHS…

Don’t let anyone or any circumstance convince you that you’re not good enough. I don’t care if you didn’t maintain a 3.0 GPA like your sibling. I don’t care if your parents don’t agree with past decisions you’ve made. You didn’t listen to wise counsel (been there. Done that. We all can relate.) and now all you hear is the “I told you so’s.” Maybe the path towards your success is a little riskier and not as straight and narrow as entering a guaranteed profession upon graduating. Maybe the consequences of past decisions knocked you off your path for a little bit. You want to be a rock star. She wants to be a lawyer. You want to be a Contract Specialist. She wants to be a teacher. You want it all. She wants it all. Let’s be clear, we are all worthy of just that. You were made with purpose and intention and past mistakes do not diminish your worth as an individual or discredit your accomplishments. Comparing yourself to someone else is a losing formula.

Embrace YOU.

Happy Monday Ladies!

– XO