Category: Community

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Peace of Mind

Sandré

At what expense is your peace of mind? Money? Great sex? Nice things?  A conversation came up within the work place the other day. Relatively new, I mind my business and simply listen. A colleague was going on and on about how unhappy she is with her current boo. In summary, boo thang is trash. She was asked why she stayed and her response was because of the lifestyle he offered. His company came with cash and gifts. I’ve too found myself holding on to things or an individual not because it’s of value or because it was healthy per se but because of what it promised or came with. I’m usually not the one to blame it on the alcohol but I will say that a few days ago it definitely contributed to me being in my feelings. Frisky feelings to say the least, which resulted in exchanging some photos with an ex. I’m not sure if it was that the liquor was wearing off, my inner self trying to talk some sense to me, or a combination of both, shoot maybe it was God, but what originally started off as enticing and sexy, to say the least, turned into me feeling sick to my stomach. I felt rather awkward and began to think to myself.

What good is great dick if it comes with lies, confusion, and heartbreak? What good are lavish gifts if they come with entitlement and no respect. What good is money if you have to compromise who you are at the core to obtain it. What good is that high paying job if the work environment is toxic and literally tearing at your self worth or mental space. What good are thousands of followers and fame if you feel empty inside? Need I go on? You get it. Disclaimer, if an uneasy mind is due to underlying mental health issues, then it’s out of our control and we must not be afraid to seek professional help. But if it is not, understand that health is wealth and so is our peace of mind. A healthy mental space has got to be a priority. Maybe the things mentioned aren’t what contribute to you having a restless mind. None the less, it’s important we pinpoint what it currently is or may be and avoid it. It’s so easy to get wrapped up in the notion that money, among other tangible things, are a cure all and will bring happiness. I’m not rich, but I can easily think back on a few moments where I thought receiving a certain amount of money or a specific item would fix a situation and it didn’t. I had to get to the root of the issue. The underlying issue that was making me lose sleep and wasn’t sitting well with my soul. This being stated, make your mental health a priority, choose peace!

xoxo

Dating, Love, Relationships, Sex, Thoughts of a Black Girl, Urban Issues

Loving for the Best, not Settling for the Rest

shaniselene

When you’re in love, you never foresee the possibility of breaking up, but it happens. As time goes on, your heart heals and bonds are restored. The person you once loved to the pit of your sole no longer holds the same value they once had and that in itself is like heartbreak all over. No matter how many times you’re told that outgrowing people is a part of life, no one tells you the pain that follows. Who new that getting over the love of your life would hurt so bad?

As confident as I may be in other aspects of my life, I must admit that dating is scares me because everything is fame and internet driven. Most people that I meet are so consumed with first and impressions that they don’t realize they’re hiding behind a facade and not revealing their true self. I’ve also realized that our generation wants everything fast paced. It’s very rare to meet someone genuine and patient. All relationships have ups and downs, but your ability to work through them (if the relationship is worth salvaging) is what matters. 

It’s as if the minute turmoil presents itself, most want to call it quits. It baffles me that people state that marriage is the goal, but they’re unable to weather small storms leading up to it. Im thankful I’ve been able to meet some great men, but I can’t lie and say that I’m still unsatisfied; not because they don’t have anything to offer, they actually exceed my list, but because there is no spark and emotional connection. In my opinion, making the decision to be with someone due to their ability to be a great partner and provide a comfortable life, yet having nothing in common, is settling as well.

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Fall Back and Spring Forward

shaniselene

As the mark to make a month slowly approaches since I’ve been on a social media hiatus, I’m sad to say that it’s coming to an end. I’d be lying if I said that waking up carefree and not having to check notifications, direct messages or insights hasn’t been refreshing to say the least. I’ve gained so much clarity on specific situations pertaining to business endeavors, business relationships, friendships, school and I’ve learned so much about myself.

Even though my desire to return to social media has dwindled, it’s imperative to my growth as an entrepreneur. I’ve been blessed to obtain additional clients from sharing my content online. I’ve also had the opportunity to meet like minded individuals in the same field.

The most challenging part about my break was accepting the fact that even though I confirmed my perception on this virtual world that we’re so engulfed in, which I already knew, I must admit that it has played an important part in allowing myself to see all of the positive aspects that people see in me. There is nothing more fulfilling than knowing that you can not only encourage, but influence others to be the best they can be, solely by being yourself.

Self awareness is one thing, but when you come to a sudden realization and everything starts coming together, it all makes sense. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, pressured, confused and what to find out the people who are truly in your corner, unplug from everyone and everything. When it’s time for you to make your return, you’ll come back recharged, refreshed and ready to conquer!

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Unplugged

shaniselene

As you mature, life forces you to make tough decisions and if you’re anything like me, that isn’t necessarily your favorite thing to do. The year 2018 has advanced technology like no other, especially social media. While most enjoy snapping selfies, fulfilling their self esteem based on the number of views and likes they receive, I take pleasure in the moments that aren’t captured.

Earlier in the week, I experienced a mental breakdown, that I’m ashamed to admit that was linked to my social media platform that had me considering to delete my page. About (2) years ago, my instagram had 600 followers; fast forwarding to today, I’m at 6,000. The irony in this is that I had no intentions on growing my page, let alone indulging in blogging. Due to my oblivion of what was taking place, I hadn’t realized the type of community I was creating solely by being myself. Whether it was posting a picture with an inspiring caption, displaying ways to be proactive in achieving your goals, offering workouts to remain fit or sharing words of encouragement to my story, I related to my followers in some form or fashion.

Regardless of Instagram’s new algorithm, supplying your audience with what they want to see is critical to your success (based on society’s standards). About a month ago, 54% of my audience were men and 46% were women varying from the ages of 18-35. Since I’ve started my medical school journey, I’ve been touching base on the meetings I attend within my medical organization, clinical rotations at the hospital, shadowing sessions with various physicians, as well as my skincare services that I offer as an esthetician on my platform. Most have taken well to it, but some have been requesting more workout videos, makeup tips and stories where I demonstrate how I meal prep. Although I haven’t disregarded these requests, I’m aware of the importance of having a niche and being consistent.

What was the point of the backstory of my mini meltdown you may ask? Although I’m a firm believer of putting yourself first when it comes to your mental health, I’m a softy when it comes to those who seek advise and look for direction. That’s been my biggest battle thus far. Although I experience so much bliss when I’m not utilizing social media and enjoying the moment rather than capturing it, in the back of my mind, I think about those who look for my opinion. Yes, I believe in doing things for me, but I genuinely have a love for helping others. I’ve spent so much more time with God and have obtained the ability to hear him more clearly. On the contrary, I’ve received calls, texts and notifications of people checking on me and inquiring where I’ve gone. Keep in mind that it hasn’t been a full week, yet people have noticed. While that is a positive aspect and this decision has shown me who my true friends are, I still have to maneuver in a fashion conducive to my health. I encourage anyone experiencing similar emotions to take a break, unplug and refrain from feeling pressured to continue to do what you think you should be doing because the majority is doing it. I am so thankful that I have a fulfilling life outside of my platforms and don’t seek for validation from others compared to those who do. I haven’t made a final decision as far as when or if I’ll make a return. I’ve prayed and plan on fasting for an answer, but until then, you’ll just have to stay tuned.

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Women To Know Wednesday: 19 Black women running for judge

Sandré

Black women making political history will always be refreshing news. In this specific case, not one, not three, but 19 women to be acknowledged! In Harris County, Texas, 19 black women will be running for judge in the upcoming election. This will be the county’s largest number of black women seen on a ballot and the FIRST time in history this number of black women will be running for various judicial seats in one county. Definitely women to know!  This being stated, congratulations

Sandra Peake,

Judge Ramona Franklin,

Germaine Tanner,

Angela Graves- Harrington,

Cassandra Hollemon,

Tonya Jones,

Dedra Davis,

LaShawn A. Williams,

Latosha Lewis Payne

Linda M. Dunson,

Toria J. Finch,

Erica Hughes,

Lucia G. Bates,

Ronnisha Bowman,

Michelle Moore,

Sharon Barney,

Shannon Baldwin,

and Lori Chambers Gray!

Furthermore, special thanks to Christin McQueen for capturing such a moment with all candidates in one picture. Congratulations ladies!  Click the link below to see which judicial position each woman is running for.

Women to Know Wednesday

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Sacrificing Your Friends For Your Future

shaniselene

It’s important to monitor your inner circle when it comes to pursuing your goals in life. One of the hardest realities I’ve faced has been learning to let go of individuals that have exceeded their expiration date. I used to be one of those people who held onto relationships (both platonic and romantic) based on the amount of time the person has been in my life.

After various events that took place within a friendship of mine, I realized that outgrowing people is a part of life and accepted the fact that everyone isn’t meant to come along during certain parts of my journey. If you care for your loved ones as much as I do, then you’ll understand why this decision wasn’t an easy one. There will be some people that take offense to your choice because they either don’t understand or don’t want to put in the effort to understand that you all may be growing apart and going separate paths.

One of my biggest mistakes were allowing some of those people to make me feel guilty for growing, for becoming the woman I am and wanting more for myself. Rather than encouraging me, I was ignored, called conceited and selfish. They were wrong about every description except classifying me as, “selfish”.  Even though I’m not a self absorbed person, for the past (6) months I’ve been extremely selfish with my funds, time and things I put my energy into. They say that your 20’s are the perfect time to think about yourself.  This is the time to make decisions for yourself and highly consider what’s best for you; it isn’t the time to settle. 

After having an epiphany and grasping what that concept really meant, I no longer felt the need to apologize for the decisions I’ve been making. I quickly learned that my true friends who genuinely supported me resided in different parts of the world. Sometimes we get so caught up on accessibility and fail to realize that just because something is available and tangible doesn’t always mean it’s in our best interest.

You want to ensure that those around you call you to the carpet when you’re slacking. Your friends must be able to hold you accountable for your actions even when they aren’t the best. They need to have the ability to feed your spirit and pour into you when you don’t have the energy to do it for yourself. 

In no way, shape or form am I telling you to drop your, “day 1’s”. However, I do encourage you to decipher who your are keeping in your life, why you are keeping them in your life and if they deserve to stay.

About, Dating, Love, Opinions, Relationships, Sex, TheMBG, Thoughts of a Black Girl, Uncategorized, Urban Issues

Knowing When It’s Time To Let Go

shaniselene

December will make (3) years since I’ve been in a committed relationship and as much as     I’d like to say that it was a challenge to overcome, that’s not necessarily the case. Like most people, the desire to rekindle an old flame sat at the back of my mind for quite some time, but after revisiting the events that took place I realized the breakup was for the best.

Being in love comes with a sense of euphoria as well as a great deal of pain because once you all hit your first bump in the road, it feels as if your world is ending. After the dust settles and you all make up, everything goes back to normal. The thing about love that most leave out is outgrowing the person. They could be the most attractive, sweetest and intelligent partner, but the goals you have for yourself and their ambition may not align. People don’t always part ways due to infidelity; sometimes they just grow apart. If you’re self aware, you typically sense when it’s time to move on, but we all know it’s not that easy to let go.

When I was in a relationship, although I was happy, I placed a lot of weight on the future. Yes, planning ahead is important; picturing yourself with the other person for, “forever” is what I’ve learned to consider when dating, but I’ve also realized that accepting the person at face value is just as important. It’s a great concept to have when it comes to seeing the potential in your partner, but what most fail to realize is that it isn’t guaranteed. After having an epiphany, I made the conscious decision to move forward and not to turn back. Even though he was my best friend, my confidant and lover, I had to stomach the fact that we were on two completely different paths. One of the hardest things about love is accepting the fact that just because you love someone, that does not signify that you all must be together.

If I told you there wasn’t a sense of guilt that followed this frame of mind, I’d be lying. It’s tough making decisions that you don’t want to and it’s even tougher regarding the means you go about doing so. In no way, shape or form am I perfect; I’m human. As a human being, learning to make and live with the decisions you make are not only a part of life, but a part of love. Knowing what I know now, had I prolonged what had plateaued so long ago, resentment had the possibility of developing. Rather than ending up tolerating one another, letting go was best because it saved whatever form of friendship we could have.

I can’t see what 2020 will hold, I don’t know what’s to come in the future and I’m not putting a time limit on anything, but what I can do is prepare. I can use the lessons learned in my past to advance my relationship to come. I can be vocal when I feel as if our situation seems as if it is becoming complacent and stagnant and know that my partner will reciprocate what needs to be done to avoid this from consuming our relationship based on the foundation we’ve built. I encourage everyone to listen to their gut; listen to your spirit because it won’t steer you wrong. Never stay out of guilt, but stay purely out of desire.

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For the Love of Medicine

shaniselene

I recently began my clinical rotations at Florida Hospital this past week and although shadowing is not a requirement, it makes your medical school resume more competitive. This experience not only has altered my perception of life, but I’ve gained a newfound appreciation for my well being. Seeing numerous people with a variety of chronic illnesses and diseases opened my eyes to the lack of knowledge surrounding health. 

One patient in particular has been battling sickle cell disease for their entire life; she’s forty years old and a mother of two. Along with excruciating joint pain and body aches, she was also in need of an oxygen mask due to having difficulty breathing. Thankfully, she has the support of her parents to assist with her illness and children, but I can only imagine her daily stressors.

It’s sometimes hard to fathom why bad things happen to good people, but unfortunately, that is life. There is no easy way to accept these circumstances, but this is what makes the job of a physician special because they have the ability to either find cures or assist with prolonging the life of the patient. This experience has further much confirmed my reasoning to pursue my specialty of interest because it breaks my heart to see those in pain. Dermatology not only allows me to educate others about skin care and assist with clearing their skin, but empower them and build their self confidence.

I highly advise those of you who are premed students or anyone interested in pursuing a career in the medical field to not only shadow at a private practice, but at an actual hospital. It will allow you to see what you’re interested in, as well as what you can and can’t handle. Being a medical professional includes having to keep your composure even during high stress situations. If you have a genuine passion to help those and love medicine, then go for it. Yes it will be a challenging journey, but the outcome will be rewarding.

Dating, Faith, Featured, Lifestyle, Love, Opinions, Relationships, Sex, Thoughts of a Black Girl, Urban Issues

Relationships Don’t Solve Your Problems, They Magnify Who You Really Are

shaniselene

As the year progresses, “Relationships” seem to become the topic of everyone’s conversation. There’s not a day that goes by where I scroll through my feed or timeline on my social media handles and someone is either begging, complaining or yearning for a relationship. There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting a significant other, but there are a variety of factors that most forget to consider.

Having a partner extends beyond cute Instagram pictures, videos and wearing matching outfits. If the goal is marriage, this person needs to be able to befriend you, confide in you, pray for you (depending on your beliefs) and help you grow into a better person while you reciprocate those same abilities. When negative factors are presented, you all need to take the time out to make an effort to fix the issue. While infidelity is a deal breaker for myself, I always encourage those who’ve endured this form of trauma to see if this is an area they can work through; if it’s fixable or worth it? Based on experience, most people assume that marriage is the answer to all solutions, when in fact that it is the total opposite. It simply uncovers who you both are as individuals , so if underlying issues persist either between the two of you or within yourselves, the marriage is likely to suffer.

In regards to underlying issues, insecurities are common factors. Many people don’t realize how their self esteem and confidence levels will impact their partner and dynamic of the relationship. We all suffer from things that we’d either like to change or aren’t content about, but what we must understand is until we love ourselves wholeheartedly, we will look for that same love within our partner. They will never be able to grant you that type of satisfaction because you all need to come together as (2) whole people; think of your partner as an asset rather than a need, therefore the element of codependency is nonexistent.

Unions are such a beautiful thing, however, good things come to those who wait. Don’t ever allow your impatience to rush you into a situation to satisfy temporary desires. Prepare and position yourself to be loved and to be received. While you’re waiting cultivate you, allow yourself to flourish, mold your craft so you can thrive and remember to enjoy your singleness because once the love of your life arrives, it’s no longer about you.

#MustKnow, Business, Community, Featured, TheMBG, Thoughts of a Black Girl

Women to Know Wednesday: Black Woman Director Ava DuVernay

Sandré

Did you know Ava DuVernay is the first black woman to direct a $100 million dollar grossing film? Not only this, but it is said that she made color representation a priority during the casting of the film, A Wrinkle in Time. She was also the first black woman director to be nominated for a Golden Globe award for best director in 2014! California native, Long Beach to be exact, her filmmaking journey began while working in the film publicity and marketing realm. Ava attended UCLA where she double majored in English and African American studies. She eventually started her very own agency in 1999. DuVernay Agency specializes in movie marketing for African- American audiences.

The list of accolades and accomplishments does not begin nor stop at “A wrinkle in Time.” Ava has created and directed multiple documentaries and feature films. DuVernay was also the first African American women to win Sundance Film Festival’s dramatic competition directing award in 2012 for her second feature film “Middle of Nowhere.” She directed Hip Hop Artist Jay Z’s Family Feud music video and the 2010 Essence Music Fest’s 2-hour documentary. She is the creator of the tv series “Queen Sugar.” More recent upcoming projects include a TV movie titled Battle of Versailles, a historical drama TV series titled The Last Amazon for Atrium, a comedy series with Colin Kaepernick, which will focus on his high school life, and a CBS racial drama title Red Line, set to premiere 2019 just to name a FEW! DuVernay has and continues to accomplish so much, all the while making history and paving the pathway for more to come and be inspired. This is definitely a women to know and I encourage you to check out the following sites provided below: her official website and another article to take in more past and present events as well as more details on what this phenomenal women is accomplishing in the film industry.

AvaDuvernay.com

Biography

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