Category: Thoughts of a Black Girl

Business, Lifestyle, Thoughts of a Black Girl, Uncategorized

Who’s Who: Remaining Level- Headed Amid Success

Sandré

Ever find yourself among a certain group of people or situation that calls for a drink or three to get through? This was me a few nights ago, but before we go there let’s start with how we got here, or moreso the leading question that inspired this post. Is the question “what do you do for a living” within 5 minutes of meeting someone a common question all over or just one that comes with living in the city. I’ve come to find the question rather annoying. Not because I’m not excited to share what it is I do, and maybe even throw what I’m passionate about and currently working towards on the side in this answer, but because most times it doesn’t seem genuine. In fact, it’s as if this question is asked to determine whether or not I’m of use connection or networking wise or If I’m in their socioeconomic bracket. Iv’e even experienced rather blatant dismissiveness if my response doesn’t meet their expectations. Now, this brings me back to my few nights ago event. At this particular non- networking gathering, sure enough, once again, this question was asked. Frequently. Outside of all the occupations being revealed, a lot of very ego-based conversations seemed to be taking place. But what made matters slightly uncomfortable and called for a drink was that two kept referring to people they didn’t like or people a part of these stories as outsiders and others. They spoke so low of them as if their existence wasn’t as valuable as theirs because of what they did or wore. There was so much emphasis on aiming to be among the “elite” or associate themselves with those who can further their career agenda.

Friendly reminder: Nobody’s shit smells like roses. Despite how hard we may have worked for something or maybe how easily it may have came, things can change and it can be swept from under us in the blink of an eye. Our occupation or whatever else material things we may have doesn’t make us better than the next person. Circumstances and advantages definitely allow us to be better off than others, but not better than character wise and certainly doesn’t diminish the value of another individual’s life. I imagine we all have our arrogant moments. I’m guilty. But, emphasis on moments, and hopefully it isn’t too frequent. Work hard. Strive for what it is you want in this life. To know me is to know that I will always encourage people to go for what is you want in this life, the possibilities are endless! But as we climb our own individual ladders of what we deem to be success, try to remain level headed and always give thanks to the source! AND understand that networking is not basing possible connections off of one individual’s occupation or appearance. You never know who may know who and be mindful of how you dismiss people, you never know if or how you may cross paths with them again in the near future!

Hope everyone has a fabulous week!

xoxo

Dating, Love, Relationships, Sex, Thoughts of a Black Girl, Urban Issues

Loving for the Best, not Settling for the Rest

shaniselene

When you’re in love, you never foresee the possibility of breaking up, but it happens. As time goes on, your heart heals and bonds are restored. The person you once loved to the pit of your sole no longer holds the same value they once had and that in itself is like heartbreak all over. No matter how many times you’re told that outgrowing people is a part of life, no one tells you the pain that follows. Who new that getting over the love of your life would hurt so bad?

As confident as I may be in other aspects of my life, I must admit that dating is scares me because everything is fame and internet driven. Most people that I meet are so consumed with first and impressions that they don’t realize they’re hiding behind a facade and not revealing their true self. I’ve also realized that our generation wants everything fast paced. It’s very rare to meet someone genuine and patient. All relationships have ups and downs, but your ability to work through them (if the relationship is worth salvaging) is what matters. 

It’s as if the minute turmoil presents itself, most want to call it quits. It baffles me that people state that marriage is the goal, but they’re unable to weather small storms leading up to it. Im thankful I’ve been able to meet some great men, but I can’t lie and say that I’m still unsatisfied; not because they don’t have anything to offer, they actually exceed my list, but because there is no spark and emotional connection. In my opinion, making the decision to be with someone due to their ability to be a great partner and provide a comfortable life, yet having nothing in common, is settling as well.

About, Careers, Community, Faith, Health, Lifestyle, Opinions, Thoughts of a Black Girl, Uncategorized, Urban Issues

Unplugged

shaniselene

As you mature, life forces you to make tough decisions and if you’re anything like me, that isn’t necessarily your favorite thing to do. The year 2018 has advanced technology like no other, especially social media. While most enjoy snapping selfies, fulfilling their self esteem based on the number of views and likes they receive, I take pleasure in the moments that aren’t captured.

Earlier in the week, I experienced a mental breakdown, that I’m ashamed to admit that was linked to my social media platform that had me considering to delete my page. About (2) years ago, my instagram had 600 followers; fast forwarding to today, I’m at 6,000. The irony in this is that I had no intentions on growing my page, let alone indulging in blogging. Due to my oblivion of what was taking place, I hadn’t realized the type of community I was creating solely by being myself. Whether it was posting a picture with an inspiring caption, displaying ways to be proactive in achieving your goals, offering workouts to remain fit or sharing words of encouragement to my story, I related to my followers in some form or fashion.

Regardless of Instagram’s new algorithm, supplying your audience with what they want to see is critical to your success (based on society’s standards). About a month ago, 54% of my audience were men and 46% were women varying from the ages of 18-35. Since I’ve started my medical school journey, I’ve been touching base on the meetings I attend within my medical organization, clinical rotations at the hospital, shadowing sessions with various physicians, as well as my skincare services that I offer as an esthetician on my platform. Most have taken well to it, but some have been requesting more workout videos, makeup tips and stories where I demonstrate how I meal prep. Although I haven’t disregarded these requests, I’m aware of the importance of having a niche and being consistent.

What was the point of the backstory of my mini meltdown you may ask? Although I’m a firm believer of putting yourself first when it comes to your mental health, I’m a softy when it comes to those who seek advise and look for direction. That’s been my biggest battle thus far. Although I experience so much bliss when I’m not utilizing social media and enjoying the moment rather than capturing it, in the back of my mind, I think about those who look for my opinion. Yes, I believe in doing things for me, but I genuinely have a love for helping others. I’ve spent so much more time with God and have obtained the ability to hear him more clearly. On the contrary, I’ve received calls, texts and notifications of people checking on me and inquiring where I’ve gone. Keep in mind that it hasn’t been a full week, yet people have noticed. While that is a positive aspect and this decision has shown me who my true friends are, I still have to maneuver in a fashion conducive to my health. I encourage anyone experiencing similar emotions to take a break, unplug and refrain from feeling pressured to continue to do what you think you should be doing because the majority is doing it. I am so thankful that I have a fulfilling life outside of my platforms and don’t seek for validation from others compared to those who do. I haven’t made a final decision as far as when or if I’ll make a return. I’ve prayed and plan on fasting for an answer, but until then, you’ll just have to stay tuned.

#MustKnow, About, Careers, Faith, Health, Lifestyle, Love, Motivation, Opinions, Relationships, TheMBG, Thoughts of a Black Girl, Uncategorized, Urban Issues

Sacrificing Your Friends For Your Future

shaniselene

It’s important to monitor your inner circle when it comes to pursuing your goals in life. One of the hardest realities I’ve faced has been learning to let go of individuals that have exceeded their expiration date. I used to be one of those people who held onto relationships (both platonic and romantic) based on the amount of time the person has been in my life.

After various events that took place within a friendship of mine, I realized that outgrowing people is a part of life and accepted the fact that everyone isn’t meant to come along during certain parts of my journey. If you care for your loved ones as much as I do, then you’ll understand why this decision wasn’t an easy one. There will be some people that take offense to your choice because they either don’t understand or don’t want to put in the effort to understand that you all may be growing apart and going separate paths.

One of my biggest mistakes were allowing some of those people to make me feel guilty for growing, for becoming the woman I am and wanting more for myself. Rather than encouraging me, I was ignored, called conceited and selfish. They were wrong about every description except classifying me as, “selfish”.  Even though I’m not a self absorbed person, for the past (6) months I’ve been extremely selfish with my funds, time and things I put my energy into. They say that your 20’s are the perfect time to think about yourself.  This is the time to make decisions for yourself and highly consider what’s best for you; it isn’t the time to settle. 

After having an epiphany and grasping what that concept really meant, I no longer felt the need to apologize for the decisions I’ve been making. I quickly learned that my true friends who genuinely supported me resided in different parts of the world. Sometimes we get so caught up on accessibility and fail to realize that just because something is available and tangible doesn’t always mean it’s in our best interest.

You want to ensure that those around you call you to the carpet when you’re slacking. Your friends must be able to hold you accountable for your actions even when they aren’t the best. They need to have the ability to feed your spirit and pour into you when you don’t have the energy to do it for yourself. 

In no way, shape or form am I telling you to drop your, “day 1’s”. However, I do encourage you to decipher who your are keeping in your life, why you are keeping them in your life and if they deserve to stay.

About, Dating, Love, Opinions, Relationships, Sex, TheMBG, Thoughts of a Black Girl, Uncategorized, Urban Issues

Knowing When It’s Time To Let Go

shaniselene

December will make (3) years since I’ve been in a committed relationship and as much as     I’d like to say that it was a challenge to overcome, that’s not necessarily the case. Like most people, the desire to rekindle an old flame sat at the back of my mind for quite some time, but after revisiting the events that took place I realized the breakup was for the best.

Being in love comes with a sense of euphoria as well as a great deal of pain because once you all hit your first bump in the road, it feels as if your world is ending. After the dust settles and you all make up, everything goes back to normal. The thing about love that most leave out is outgrowing the person. They could be the most attractive, sweetest and intelligent partner, but the goals you have for yourself and their ambition may not align. People don’t always part ways due to infidelity; sometimes they just grow apart. If you’re self aware, you typically sense when it’s time to move on, but we all know it’s not that easy to let go.

When I was in a relationship, although I was happy, I placed a lot of weight on the future. Yes, planning ahead is important; picturing yourself with the other person for, “forever” is what I’ve learned to consider when dating, but I’ve also realized that accepting the person at face value is just as important. It’s a great concept to have when it comes to seeing the potential in your partner, but what most fail to realize is that it isn’t guaranteed. After having an epiphany, I made the conscious decision to move forward and not to turn back. Even though he was my best friend, my confidant and lover, I had to stomach the fact that we were on two completely different paths. One of the hardest things about love is accepting the fact that just because you love someone, that does not signify that you all must be together.

If I told you there wasn’t a sense of guilt that followed this frame of mind, I’d be lying. It’s tough making decisions that you don’t want to and it’s even tougher regarding the means you go about doing so. In no way, shape or form am I perfect; I’m human. As a human being, learning to make and live with the decisions you make are not only a part of life, but a part of love. Knowing what I know now, had I prolonged what had plateaued so long ago, resentment had the possibility of developing. Rather than ending up tolerating one another, letting go was best because it saved whatever form of friendship we could have.

I can’t see what 2020 will hold, I don’t know what’s to come in the future and I’m not putting a time limit on anything, but what I can do is prepare. I can use the lessons learned in my past to advance my relationship to come. I can be vocal when I feel as if our situation seems as if it is becoming complacent and stagnant and know that my partner will reciprocate what needs to be done to avoid this from consuming our relationship based on the foundation we’ve built. I encourage everyone to listen to their gut; listen to your spirit because it won’t steer you wrong. Never stay out of guilt, but stay purely out of desire.

Dating, Faith, Featured, Lifestyle, Love, Opinions, Relationships, Sex, Thoughts of a Black Girl, Urban Issues

Relationships Don’t Solve Your Problems, They Magnify Who You Really Are

shaniselene

As the year progresses, “Relationships” seem to become the topic of everyone’s conversation. There’s not a day that goes by where I scroll through my feed or timeline on my social media handles and someone is either begging, complaining or yearning for a relationship. There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting a significant other, but there are a variety of factors that most forget to consider.

Having a partner extends beyond cute Instagram pictures, videos and wearing matching outfits. If the goal is marriage, this person needs to be able to befriend you, confide in you, pray for you (depending on your beliefs) and help you grow into a better person while you reciprocate those same abilities. When negative factors are presented, you all need to take the time out to make an effort to fix the issue. While infidelity is a deal breaker for myself, I always encourage those who’ve endured this form of trauma to see if this is an area they can work through; if it’s fixable or worth it? Based on experience, most people assume that marriage is the answer to all solutions, when in fact that it is the total opposite. It simply uncovers who you both are as individuals , so if underlying issues persist either between the two of you or within yourselves, the marriage is likely to suffer.

In regards to underlying issues, insecurities are common factors. Many people don’t realize how their self esteem and confidence levels will impact their partner and dynamic of the relationship. We all suffer from things that we’d either like to change or aren’t content about, but what we must understand is until we love ourselves wholeheartedly, we will look for that same love within our partner. They will never be able to grant you that type of satisfaction because you all need to come together as (2) whole people; think of your partner as an asset rather than a need, therefore the element of codependency is nonexistent.

Unions are such a beautiful thing, however, good things come to those who wait. Don’t ever allow your impatience to rush you into a situation to satisfy temporary desires. Prepare and position yourself to be loved and to be received. While you’re waiting cultivate you, allow yourself to flourish, mold your craft so you can thrive and remember to enjoy your singleness because once the love of your life arrives, it’s no longer about you.

#MustKnow, Business, Community, Featured, TheMBG, Thoughts of a Black Girl

Women to Know Wednesday: Black Woman Director Ava DuVernay

Sandré

Did you know Ava DuVernay is the first black woman to direct a $100 million dollar grossing film? Not only this, but it is said that she made color representation a priority during the casting of the film, A Wrinkle in Time. She was also the first black woman director to be nominated for a Golden Globe award for best director in 2014! California native, Long Beach to be exact, her filmmaking journey began while working in the film publicity and marketing realm. Ava attended UCLA where she double majored in English and African American studies. She eventually started her very own agency in 1999. DuVernay Agency specializes in movie marketing for African- American audiences.

The list of accolades and accomplishments does not begin nor stop at “A wrinkle in Time.” Ava has created and directed multiple documentaries and feature films. DuVernay was also the first African American women to win Sundance Film Festival’s dramatic competition directing award in 2012 for her second feature film “Middle of Nowhere.” She directed Hip Hop Artist Jay Z’s Family Feud music video and the 2010 Essence Music Fest’s 2-hour documentary. She is the creator of the tv series “Queen Sugar.” More recent upcoming projects include a TV movie titled Battle of Versailles, a historical drama TV series titled The Last Amazon for Atrium, a comedy series with Colin Kaepernick, which will focus on his high school life, and a CBS racial drama title Red Line, set to premiere 2019 just to name a FEW! DuVernay has and continues to accomplish so much, all the while making history and paving the pathway for more to come and be inspired. This is definitely a women to know and I encourage you to check out the following sites provided below: her official website and another article to take in more past and present events as well as more details on what this phenomenal women is accomplishing in the film industry.

AvaDuvernay.com

Biography

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Featured, Motivation, Opinions, Thoughts of a Black Girl

Mind over matter – Do you see the good in every situation or do you see the worse?

Sandré

What type of mindset do you have? Do you see the good in every situation or do you see the worse? When things aren’t going your way or you are unsatisfied, do you actively take steps to try and fix it or do you complain with no action. Voicing our concerns and dislikes is normal. Some of us do it more than usual, but nonetheless it is normal. The questions we must ask ourselves however are, “what am I doing to change this? “Am I actively looking for better?” and “Am I working towards a solution behind the scenes as I work my way up?” The way you approach a task, circumstance, or whatever may be in this life can make or break you.

I’m aware that life at times is unfair. Some events that transpire are unavoidable, are by no means our fault, and run deeper than a mind over matter concept. Some events require outside help and will take time to regain an optimistic mental space. But for the events that fall outside of these boundaries, focusing in on how to use what transpired to your advantage or remaining optimistic is everything.

Despite the interview going well, you didn’t get the job. Are you going to stop applying for jobs and dwell on that specific rejection? The relationship didn’t work out. Are you going to divert all your energy into trying to make him or her pay and never love again? Felicia said your head was big. Are you going to wear sun hats all through November? NO!!! How you react, the mindset you willingly take on amidst the sickness, the downfall, or certain circumstances will either be fuel to your triumph or ammo for things to only get worse. Keep your head up and push through. Exercise your willpower. You may not have control of every situation, but you are your own person and you do have control over your mindset. Tap into your determination.

Reflect on what you felt went wrong during the interview or what you can do to be better or more prepared for the one to come. Get your resume looked over again. Watch a YouTube video on how to answer common tricky questions.

(P.S. before my “how to answer so and so question” YouTube binge, my go to answer for the infamous “what is a weakness” question, I would always answer that I’m a perfectionist! According to my findings, this is actually a pretty awful response!)

Heartbreak sucks, but I assure you trying to hurt them back only counteracts your blessings to come and is a waste of time, entirely. Re-adjust your mental lenses and refocus. Reclaim your time by doing things that make you smile, bring you closer to your goals, or be a service to others (give back!). Love will find you again.

Flaunt your God given features. One person will say “she ain’t that cute” the next will say “she fine as hell!” We are all ugly to somebody and we all fine to somebody as well. Such is life. Nonetheless, whatever the next person may think will not change who you are. Embrace your uniqueness, own your sexiness. Subscribe to blogs or other social media platforms that don’t solely display European beauty standards, but embraces all shades, features, and sizes!

You control where your energy and efforts go. Feed your willpower! Mind over matter, because everything doesn’t matter and your mindset is such a powerful thing.

Happy Monday! The end of July is here, and August is  right around the corner and I hope it’s nothing short of amazing.

 

 

Beauty, Community, Lifestyle, Motivation, Opinions, Thoughts of a Black Girl, Urban Issues

Confidence Is Skin Deep

shaniselene

From adolescence, women are taught that beauty is vital. It’s attractive and the key to gaining a man’s attention, but what about confidence? Whether it’s on television, radio, magazines or social media, we are subconsciously reminded that beauty is heavily based upon the external. While most of us may be saying, “I’m confident with or without makeup”, but we all know there has been a point in time where we’ve felt the complete opposite.

Other than a pasty complexion, I take pride in a fresh face because it is all natural. Based on my past experiences, every person I’ve ever been involved with has either said they prefer me without makeup or I don’t need it. Although that isn’t enough to cease my cosmetic application completely, there is something liberating that comes along with wanting to wear makeup, but not needing to. During the recovery period from one of the biggest allergic reactions I’ve ever experienced, I had epiphany and realized my self confidence was at the lowest it has ever been.

I’ve never had acne or problematic skin, so acquiring contact dermatitis from a cosmetic product that I’ve been using for the last (5) years gave me the opportunity to empathize with those who do.  Who knew that having red spots on your face could affect how you felt about yourself overall? Regardless if they are temporary, the biggest issue was that I was uncomfortable because I’ve never experienced this before.

Even though this was a new feeling, I am a grateful for what I endured because it made me realize that I also had superior confidence within myself when everything was normal, but my self-esteem was questioned upon signs of trouble. I also learned that we tend to make things greater than what they are due to being self-conscious. Either people didn’t notice or my imperfections were insignificant because it did not prevent them looking or coming up and speaking to me. This was a clear indication that I was overthinking the entire situation and that I started relying on my exterior versus what I have to offer from within. This is no excuse, but it’s easier said than done when you are constantly reminded of your outer beauty.

This is why I encourage makeup free days for those who are uncomfortable without makeup. At the end of the day, you have to be happy with your reflection when you look in the mirror. I feel blessed to have self confidence with or without makeup, but I’m also thankful that I had this recent experience because it displayed my true self, gave me more confidence because it reminded me that I am more than my aesthetics and humbled me. The moment you’re able to feel as good as you do as you look on the outside, it’s like you become a whole new woman.

Dating, Lifestyle, Love, Opinions, Relationships, Sex, Thoughts of a Black Girl, Urban Issues

Distance or No Distance?

shaniselene

Long distance relationships are extremely common in 2018 and only continue to grow as the state of social media improves. My experiences regarding distant relationships were actually pleasant. Our geographical location in which we each were was the only con; initially. At that current point in time, I was a junior in college, looking forward to graduation and my post graduate endeavors. I took pride in going to see my boyfriend at the time because it meant traveling, free food, being spoiled with additional attention and most importantly, quality time.

While I’d love to blame the distance between us for our breakup, it shared no responsibility. It was one of those things where two people who were madly in love needed time to grow and come into their own. As heartbreaking as the decision would be  for most, it was one of those things that you necessarily did not want to do, but had to.  Fortunately, it worked out for the best. We are still friends, support one another and the best part is, genuine love is still there. Although I’m unsure of what the future may hold, I’m happy with the current state of my life and can’t wait to see what God has in store for me.

Now that I’m 24 years of age, I view relationships on an entire new level. I wholeheartedly believe that long distant relationships are doable, however, both parties must put in the effort. This includes having the understanding that finances must be taken into consideration for travel and the frequency in which you all are visiting one another. In situations such as this, communication is key due to the fact that you aren’t able to physically see one another. That being said, take advantage of video chat options like FaceTime or Skype.

I aspire to be a wife and I’m currently praying for constant preparation, which is why I’ve come to the realization that whether my next relationship is distant or takes place in the same vicinity, it all boils down to my significant other and I being on one accord. Is marriage the goal, are they family oriented, can they pray for me and pray to God to seek guidance in a time of uncertainty? I sometimes feel as if women have the tendency to get caught up on a checklist of what they expect relationships to be and tend to complicate things when they can be so simple. Men aren’t as difficult as we make them seem and typically know if you’re the one or someone they can see themselves with within 6 months.

If you’ve met someone in which you share an instant connection, have undeniable chemistry with, whose morals align with yours, can have fun with and enjoy each other’s company while doing absolutely nothing, but your relationship may have to start off distant initially, give it a try. If you all are serious about one another, you will make it a point to relocate to an area that fits the both of your needs. Where there’s a will, there’s a way and if he truly wants it, he’ll go after it (you).