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Unplugged

As you mature, life forces you to make tough decisions and if you’re anything like me, that isn’t necessarily your favorite thing to do. The year 2018 has advanced technology like no other, especially social media. While most enjoy snapping selfies, fulfilling their self esteem based on the number of views and likes they receive, I take pleasure in the moments that aren’t captured.

Earlier in the week, I experienced a mental breakdown, that I’m ashamed to admit that was linked to my social media platform that had me considering to delete my page. About (2) years ago, my instagram had 600 followers; fast forwarding to today, I’m at 6,000. The irony in this is that I had no intentions on growing my page, let alone indulging in blogging. Due to my oblivion of what was taking place, I hadn’t realized the type of community I was creating solely by being myself. Whether it was posting a picture with an inspiring caption, displaying ways to be proactive in achieving your goals, offering workouts to remain fit or sharing words of encouragement to my story, I related to my followers in some form or fashion.

Regardless of Instagram’s new algorithm, supplying your audience with what they want to see is critical to your success (based on society’s standards). About a month ago, 54% of my audience were men and 46% were women varying from the ages of 18-35. Since I’ve started my medical school journey, I’ve been touching base on the meetings I attend within my medical organization, clinical rotations at the hospital, shadowing sessions with various physicians, as well as my skincare services that I offer as an esthetician on my platform. Most have taken well to it, but some have been requesting more workout videos, makeup tips and stories where I demonstrate how I meal prep. Although I haven’t disregarded these requests, I’m aware of the importance of having a niche and being consistent.

What was the point of the backstory of my mini meltdown you may ask? Although I’m a firm believer of putting yourself first when it comes to your mental health, I’m a softy when it comes to those who seek advise and look for direction. That’s been my biggest battle thus far. Although I experience so much bliss when I’m not utilizing social media and enjoying the moment rather than capturing it, in the back of my mind, I think about those who look for my opinion. Yes, I believe in doing things for me, but I genuinely have a love for helping others. I’ve spent so much more time with God and have obtained the ability to hear him more clearly. On the contrary, I’ve received calls, texts and notifications of people checking on me and inquiring where I’ve gone. Keep in mind that it hasn’t been a full week, yet people have noticed. While that is a positive aspect and this decision has shown me who my true friends are, I still have to maneuver in a fashion conducive to my health. I encourage anyone experiencing similar emotions to take a break, unplug and refrain from feeling pressured to continue to do what you think you should be doing because the majority is doing it. I am so thankful that I have a fulfilling life outside of my platforms and don’t seek for validation from others compared to those who do. I haven’t made a final decision as far as when or if I’ll make a return. I’ve prayed and plan on fasting for an answer, but until then, you’ll just have to stay tuned.

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Sacrificing Your Friends For Your Future

It’s important to monitor your inner circle when it comes to pursuing your goals in life. One of the hardest realities I’ve faced has been learning to let go of individuals that have exceeded their expiration date. I used to be one of those people who held onto relationships (both platonic and romantic) based on the amount of time the person has been in my life.

After various events that took place within a friendship of mine, I realized that outgrowing people is a part of life and accepted the fact that everyone isn’t meant to come along during certain parts of my journey. If you care for your loved ones as much as I do, then you’ll understand why this decision wasn’t an easy one. There will be some people that take offense to your choice because they either don’t understand or don’t want to put in the effort to understand that you all may be growing apart and going separate paths.

One of my biggest mistakes were allowing some of those people to make me feel guilty for growing, for becoming the woman I am and wanting more for myself. Rather than encouraging me, I was ignored, called conceited and selfish. They were wrong about every description except classifying me as, “selfish”.  Even though I’m not a self absorbed person, for the past (6) months I’ve been extremely selfish with my funds, time and things I put my energy into. They say that your 20’s are the perfect time to think about yourself.  This is the time to make decisions for yourself and highly consider what’s best for you; it isn’t the time to settle. 

After having an epiphany and grasping what that concept really meant, I no longer felt the need to apologize for the decisions I’ve been making. I quickly learned that my true friends who genuinely supported me resided in different parts of the world. Sometimes we get so caught up on accessibility and fail to realize that just because something is available and tangible doesn’t always mean it’s in our best interest.

You want to ensure that those around you call you to the carpet when you’re slacking. Your friends must be able to hold you accountable for your actions even when they aren’t the best. They need to have the ability to feed your spirit and pour into you when you don’t have the energy to do it for yourself. 

In no way, shape or form am I telling you to drop your, “day 1’s”. However, I do encourage you to decipher who your are keeping in your life, why you are keeping them in your life and if they deserve to stay.

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For the Love of Medicine

I recently began my clinical rotations at Florida Hospital this past week and although shadowing is not a requirement, it makes your medical school resume more competitive. This experience not only has altered my perception of life, but I’ve gained a newfound appreciation for my well being. Seeing numerous people with a variety of chronic illnesses and diseases opened my eyes to the lack of knowledge surrounding health. 

One patient in particular has been battling sickle cell disease for their entire life; she’s forty years old and a mother of two. Along with excruciating joint pain and body aches, she was also in need of an oxygen mask due to having difficulty breathing. Thankfully, she has the support of her parents to assist with her illness and children, but I can only imagine her daily stressors.

It’s sometimes hard to fathom why bad things happen to good people, but unfortunately, that is life. There is no easy way to accept these circumstances, but this is what makes the job of a physician special because they have the ability to either find cures or assist with prolonging the life of the patient. This experience has further much confirmed my reasoning to pursue my specialty of interest because it breaks my heart to see those in pain. Dermatology not only allows me to educate others about skin care and assist with clearing their skin, but empower them and build their self confidence.

I highly advise those of you who are premed students or anyone interested in pursuing a career in the medical field to not only shadow at a private practice, but at an actual hospital. It will allow you to see what you’re interested in, as well as what you can and can’t handle. Being a medical professional includes having to keep your composure even during high stress situations. If you have a genuine passion to help those and love medicine, then go for it. Yes it will be a challenging journey, but the outcome will be rewarding.

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Relationships Don’t Solve Your Problems, They Magnify Who You Really Are

As the year progresses, “Relationships” seem to become the topic of everyone’s conversation. There’s not a day that goes by where I scroll through my feed or timeline on my social media handles and someone is either begging, complaining or yearning for a relationship. There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting a significant other, but there are a variety of factors that most forget to consider.

Having a partner extends beyond cute Instagram pictures, videos and wearing matching outfits. If the goal is marriage, this person needs to be able to befriend you, confide in you, pray for you (depending on your beliefs) and help you grow into a better person while you reciprocate those same abilities. When negative factors are presented, you all need to take the time out to make an effort to fix the issue. While infidelity is a deal breaker for myself, I always encourage those who’ve endured this form of trauma to see if this is an area they can work through; if it’s fixable or worth it? Based on experience, most people assume that marriage is the answer to all solutions, when in fact that it is the total opposite. It simply uncovers who you both are as individuals , so if underlying issues persist either between the two of you or within yourselves, the marriage is likely to suffer.

In regards to underlying issues, insecurities are common factors. Many people don’t realize how their self esteem and confidence levels will impact their partner and dynamic of the relationship. We all suffer from things that we’d either like to change or aren’t content about, but what we must understand is until we love ourselves wholeheartedly, we will look for that same love within our partner. They will never be able to grant you that type of satisfaction because you all need to come together as (2) whole people; think of your partner as an asset rather than a need, therefore the element of codependency is nonexistent.

Unions are such a beautiful thing, however, good things come to those who wait. Don’t ever allow your impatience to rush you into a situation to satisfy temporary desires. Prepare and position yourself to be loved and to be received. While you’re waiting cultivate you, allow yourself to flourish, mold your craft so you can thrive and remember to enjoy your singleness because once the love of your life arrives, it’s no longer about you.

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Likes for your Soul?

Social media platforms such as, Instagram, are not only updating constantly, but evolving on a tremendous level. As a blogger, it is important to consistently post quality content in order to maintain your brand, however, Instagram’s recent changes has made it extremely difficult to reach new accounts and engage with others on the platform; even your current followers have become more difficult to connect with due to the algorithm. 

Most of us would agree that the order in which your feed is displayed is one of the worst attributes of Instagram, but I believe the affect it has on the psyche and our self esteem takes the cake. Rather than utilizing this social media outlet to connect with family and friends whom you may not be able to engage with on a daily basis, it is now used to obtain followers, likes and views. To make matters worse, people are willing to do anything for attention; anything to get them seen. This includes paying ridiculous sums of money for advertisements and promotions to compromising their morals and values. 

For those of us like myself, who’s accustomed to being in the spotlight or characterized as the popular kid in school, attention isn’t something you crave when it’s always been handed to you. Please be advised that I am not excluding myself from experiencing a time of self doubt due to social media, however, the confidence and self assurance that I have both internally and externally play a major role in preventing me from falling victim to the psychological plague of Instagram.

Although I’ve received from flack from friends, outsiders and individuals with cyber courage that stated I wouldn’t be able to relate to certain struggles on Instagram because I meet a majority of the standards of beauty or been trendy before Instagram existed, my main goal is to educate and inspire others through my medical school journey, new ventures throughout my career and levels in which God has brought me to and places He intends to take me. I want others to know that He can do the same for them and not to allow the perception of society limit them to what they can do. 

No shade to the accounts that have reached large pinnacles of success, but most of them eat, live and sleep Instagram and have nothing else going on for themselves outside of it. When you begin collaborating with other bloggers or influencers, receive deals from major companies and network with successful individuals in the industry, you learn that IG is not all it’s cracked up to be. It isn’t REAL. The more you begin to focus on all of the positives in your life, what you currently have and cultivating the things in your world, the hype of Instagram will begin to fade and eventually, you won’t even notice it. Remember to water your own grass rather than sprinting in a never ending rat race chasing something unobtainable.

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Soul Ties

Many of us fail to realize the severity of soul ties when we make the decision to lay down with someone. We often hide behind coined terms such as, “savage” and “nonchalant” rather than surrendering to our emotions that follow physical intimacy. Although there are many of us (despite what society believes) that have the ability to carry on as if nothing ever happened after the, “deed is done”, most of us need to admit that as time progresses, feelings eventually resurface and for others, they tend to linger. 

Think about your experiences; are you aware of an individual that you just can’t seem to get rid of? You all may fuss and fight, have spontaneous arguments, take time apart, but then happen to find your way back to one another. Even if you’re cognizant that this person may not be good for you, they aren’t mature enough, ready or on your level, somehow you manage to look past every red flag waived in your direction due to hope, “what-ifs” and unknown soul ties. 

Spiritual bonds such as these require prayer in order to be released. No amount of social media purging and avoidance or deleting contact information and pictures will rid you of what has been internally housed. This is why sex goes deeper than penetration and stimulation; you become one with that individual during the act.

As you mature and the more seasoned you become in life, you learn loving someone does not warrant a relationship. The more time you indulge in your singleness and explore who you are as a person, you will begin to grasp the concept of what you like, dislike and need. Often times, the person that we believe to be our soul mate isn’t meant to be our life partner. With wisdom comes understanding; understanding that what you need from a person to function throughout life is far more important that what you may desire. Many of us have soul ties that we’re unaware of, but in order for you to be freed from something keeping you hostage, you must claim it.

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Blessings In Disguise

The most gut wrenching aspect about life is the simple fact that regardless of the choices you make for yourself, you will never be in complete control of your circumstances. If you’re a perfectionist like myself, the activities that take place in your daily routine are predominately scheduled. Whether it be event and work meetings or the day, time and amount of funds that are to be removed in order to contribute to bills, everything is done in a timely manner. Unfortunately, you come to the realization that although you make your best efforts to ensure that you’ve dotted all of your, “I’s” and crossed all of your, “T’s”, unforeseen events still take place. 

A perfect example of this was when I originally moved into my condo. I was about (3) months in and the 1st week of the month quickly approached and I noticed a notification from my real estate company stating that the confirmation number for this month’s rent reflected an incomplete payment. To my surprise, I called my bank to find out that I was a victim of card theft and due to suspicious activity taking place on my account, they decided to freeze it. I was grateful that the institution whom I bank with was able to locate the discrepancy before any further damage took place on my account, but frustrated because due to their inability to notify me in a timely manner, my rent was late and an additional late fee was added to my overall payment. Had I foreseen this in the future, I would’ve transferred my funds into my second account.

I provided this past experience because it served as a teaching moment. There have been so many unexpected things taking place in my life in which I lack understanding. Typically when I endure these kind of events, God is up to something; something in which I prayed for. Storms always come before your shower of blessings, but it’s important to handle them in manner that reflects your trust for Him. Everything I’ve been asking Him is coming to fruition, but not in the way I thought it would. Usually, it happens this way; we ask for things, but then begin to question our desires because it doesn’t happen how or when we want it to. I ask that you be encouraged, stay focused and endure the storm because your time is coming.

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Racism In Medicine

As a recent undergraduate pursuing a career in Dermatology, I’ve learned that there are numerous unspoken rules that aren’t taught in college. One of those rules included minorities having to work twice as hard to prove they are qualified to become a physician regardless if they exceed their medical school requirements. I came across an article stating that there were fewer black medical students in 2014 than in 1978. This small excerpt of information baffled me because the year of 1978 was closer to the days when racial prejudice was at its peak, but after shadowing various doctors, I grasped the concept as to why.

I’ve been blessed to have the opportunity to experience the daily routines of medical professionals both within and outside my area of interests, but I’ve noticed that although my resume surpassed the requirements of that office, there were certain occasions where I was, “handled differently”.  I remember visiting a local practice after emailing my resume, all forms of required documentation and my liability certificate and when we finally met in person, I was further interrogated; some of these questions had absolutely nothing to do with medicine or shadowing. The physician was quite bold and upfront, and even stated that they were surprised someone who looked like me didn’t consider a career in modeling or something of that nature. While most would be flattered by this suggestion, I was offended. I took the physician’s statement to heart because the doctor completely disregarded my qualifications due to my appearance and their preconceived notions. My second experience was during an event that I attended discussing women overcoming adversity and bias in medicine. Although I met the characteristics of being a women with a future in medicine, I was still judged because I was a minority; as if black students shouldn’t pursue careers in this field and should be overly applauded if they make the decision to do so.

It’s a tough pill to swallow, but I’ve accepted the reality. I understand that the individuals hosting most of the medical school interviews will be from the majority and a large number would agree that I do not meet the, “typical” physician standard; male and caucasian. I understand the importance of abiding by the rules until I get through the door, but I’ve made the conscious decision not to allow the prejudice stereotypes in medicine stop me from being myself (dolled up/possessing cosmetic interests) because I am intelligent, ambitious, professional and know that I have what it takes to be a physician. As long as I ensure that I am studying, putting in the work, remaining humble and grounded, and keeping my faith first, I cannot lose. Indeed, it will be a challenge, but inevitably worth it in the end. I not only want to improve the overall health of my patient’s skin, but provide them with knowledge on how to live a healthier lifestyle, provide the tools they need to sustain it as well as alternative options that do not require prescription medication. It’s unfortunate, but we lack doctors who know how to treat ethnic skin and it’s an underserved community that need fair and honest assistance and practice in the field of Dermatology. Whatever your passion may be, please do not allow the odds to come against you. Things may be challenging, but nothing worth having comes easy. Remember that it’s ok to bend, but never break sis…ever.

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Self Love

There comes a point in time where life events take place that affect our self esteem. Whether it’s being laid off from your job, you’re experiencing a random breakout or grieving a traumatizing breakup, it all has an impact on our self esteem. Based on my experiences, if it wasn’t for the love and value I possess for myself, I would not have survived certain situations.

Being confident in who you are gives you the freedom to refrain from subjecting yourself to what others think. I stumbled across a suggested page on one of my social media handles and the young lady posted a video responding to negative comments about her weight. She politely stated that she is aware that she is, “skinny” and is satisfied with her size. The young lady also rejected any suggestions that have been made to gain weight similar to her sister’s. My favorite portion of the video was when she made it a point to elaborate regardless of the number of hate comments she acquired, the bottom line is, “I love me”.

Most of us have a difficult time admitting this, but only a portion of us can actually agree with her statement; some of us actually aren’t satisfied with who we are. The minute our skin is compromised, we start to wonder if our significant other would still view us in the same light or if our peers would respect us in the same manner if we decrease our weekend outings due to a job loss. We all have insecurities, as we should because it keeps us humble and we are human, but we should not allow the things that we aren’t pleased with to dictate our overall perception of ourselves. 

It may be hard to stomach, but self love doesn’t happen when everything is going well; it takes place during hard times. The stages that take place before obtaining true self love can be perceived as boot camp; it’s there to strip away remnants that no longer serve a purpose and mold you into the person who you are within. If you are reading this, love yourself on your good days and even more on your bad days, reward yourself for all of your accomplishments regardless of how minor they be, stop looking for validation from others because you are your biggest competition and always remember that no one will love you like YOU.

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From Independence to Parental Supervision (Again)

One of the most challenging aspects about adulthood is decision making; quite ironic for an individual preparing to be a doctor right? I’m currently in the position in which I have to decide if I’m going to renew the least of my condo or take my father’s offer to move in with him to solely focus on school. If your’e an independent modernista like myself, then you know this is sparring with my pride.

I’ve weighed all of my pros and cons in regards to accepting his offer and all of the positives such as saving money, having the ability to allot more time to my studies and the decrease in excessive bills outweighed the negative. I’ve been living on my own since college, so the thought of living under parental supervision gives me slight anxiety. However, I am fully aware that once I officially begin medical school, I won’t be able to work a full time job. Although there are a rare percentage of medical students who do work, it’s usually a part time form of employment if they must.

I always used to say once I moved out, I’m out for good, but then I had to realize that accepting help from your parents is not only a rational decision, but an intelligent one. I feel blessed to be able to have the help that I do and I’m cognizant that it’s vital that I welcome the assistance because there will be a point in time where they will no longer be able to help me; the tables will turn and will then be my job to tend to them. I have my (5) year plan written out in order for me to stay on track, add or subtract certain factors and see my overall progress from start to finish, but my decision is still pending. My renewal is due very soon and my time is becoming limited, but after weighing my pros and cons, reviewing my plan and with additional prayer, I’m confident my decision will be the right one. If anyone is in a similar situation, I encourage you to make rational and emotionless decisions, weigh your options and make the choice that’s going to help propel you in reaching your goals.