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Self Love

There comes a point in time where life events take place that affect our self esteem. Whether it’s being laid off from your job, you’re experiencing a random breakout or grieving a traumatizing breakup, it all has an impact on our self esteem. Based on my experiences, if it wasn’t for the love and value I possess for myself, I would not have survived certain situations.

Being confident in who you are gives you the freedom to refrain from subjecting yourself to what others think. I stumbled across a suggested page on one of my social media handles and the young lady posted a video responding to negative comments about her weight. She politely stated that she is aware that she is, “skinny” and is satisfied with her size. The young lady also rejected any suggestions that have been made to gain weight similar to her sister’s. My favorite portion of the video was when she made it a point to elaborate regardless of the number of hate comments she acquired, the bottom line is, “I love me”.

Most of us have a difficult time admitting this, but only a portion of us can actually agree with her statement; some of us actually aren’t satisfied with who we are. The minute our skin is compromised, we start to wonder if our significant other would still view us in the same light or if our peers would respect us in the same manner if we decrease our weekend outings due to a job loss. We all have insecurities, as we should because it keeps us humble and we are human, but we should not allow the things that we aren’t pleased with to dictate our overall perception of ourselves. 

It may be hard to stomach, but self love doesn’t happen when everything is going well; it takes place during hard times. The stages that take place before obtaining true self love can be perceived as boot camp; it’s there to strip away remnants that no longer serve a purpose and mold you into the person who you are within. If you are reading this, love yourself on your good days and even more on your bad days, reward yourself for all of your accomplishments regardless of how minor they be, stop looking for validation from others because you are your biggest competition and always remember that no one will love you like YOU.

Motivation, Thoughts of a Black Girl

Monday Push

Ever find yourself in an uncomfortable space? A space where things seem to not be going as planned. You’ve always been pretty good at making things happen behind the scenes and have never been afraid to take risks. I personally always tell myself, “things will always work itself out” and “money will always find its way back.” Realistically, this is not always the case. Maybe these last few weeks money is tight, and things do not seem to be working themselves out. In fact, mental breakdowns are reoccurring. Sometimes we become so overwhelmed or displeased with our reality that we find ourselves dwelling in self-pity, thinking we are less than, and even questioning God, asking why certain things aren’t happening as quickly or in the manner that we would like. We even begin to compare our situation with others, and of course from “an outside looking in perspective.” Check this out:


Don’t let anyone or any circumstance convince you that you’re not good enough. I don’t care if you didn’t maintain a 3.0 GPA like your sibling. I don’t care if your parents don’t agree with past decisions you’ve made. You didn’t listen to wise counsel (been there. Done that. We all can relate.) and now all you hear is the “I told you so’s.” Maybe the path towards your success is a little riskier and not as straight and narrow as entering a guaranteed profession upon graduating. Maybe the consequences of past decisions knocked you off your path for a little bit. You want to be a rock star. She wants to be a lawyer. You want to be a Contract Specialist. She wants to be a teacher. You want it all. She wants it all. Let’s be clear, we are all worthy of just that. You were made with purpose and intention and past mistakes do not diminish your worth as an individual or discredit your accomplishments. Comparing yourself to someone else is a losing formula.

Embrace YOU.

Happy Monday Ladies!

– XO

Education, Thoughts of a Black Girl, Uncategorized

A Letter To Freshman Me

Dear Youngin’,

Wow! Who would’ve thought you’d be here today. Who would of thought you’d learn so much in the span of two and a half years. It’s crazy where life takes you and sometimes it’s difficult to understand the journey but don’t ever question it.

Looking back there’s so many things I wish I could tell you but the truth be told, I wouldn’t be able to sit here and have this wisdom if you didn’t go through the situations that not only bent you a little or a lot but molded you into a fearless young beast.

So here’s some things you should know.

You Are Powerful

Don’t ever question what you’re capable of. As cliche as it sounds you have the ability to make a difference and you know exactly what you want to accomplish. Do not let the world and those around you sway you away from your destiny and truth. You can honestly do anything you put your mind to and the only thing standing in your way is YOU. Go for it!

You Are Worth It

You are worth waiting for. You are worth someone who will really be a someone who will uplift you and not tear you down. You are worthy of  trust-filled friendships. You are worthy. Do not give into others demands because you feel as if you’re not worth this or that. Believe in your worth and know it without a doubt.

Stop Trying To Please Everyone

Look I get it. You’re new to this. You’ve never been on your own and had to deal with 4 roommates who are all completely different. You’ve never been separated from your friends of 10 years and had to make new ones but don’t feel like you have to make everyone happy. Not being rude but you physically cannot satisfy each and every person in your life. You just can’t and you know what? That’s Okay!

You Have Time

You are 18 years old. Don’t rush the process. You have plenty of time to be an adult. You have time to find a relationship. You have time to find a job and be free from your parents supporting you. Now at 21 I can say you’ll still struggle with this, it doesn’t just go away but really live in the moment. You’ll never be as young and free as you are today and take advantage of that. Live each day like it’s your last and enjoy it. Go to that party. Go to the dining hall with everyone even though you only have $15. Make the memories now because when your time does come and adulthood is really bestowed upon you. It’s these memories that will forever make you smile.

Call Home More

Check-in more than once a week. I know you’re busy and calling mom and dad just because seems pointless. I know mama calls at the absolute worst times and dad always calls at 8:30 on Saturday like you’re not still passed out from the night before but it’s just them missing you. Yes, you’re on your own now and an adult “technically” but you’ll always be their baby girl. They’re not being annoying, they’re just missing you.



What would you tell your freshman self?

Dating, Love, Relationships, Sex

Standard Sustainability

In a world of life-sized Genetically Modified Objects and socially inept individuals who lack the ability to verbally communicate, make eye contact during a discussion or refrain from expressing their emotional state on social media, it can be quite challenging to possess and abide by standards that seem so far-fetched in today’s society. I’ve always had high standards for as long as I can recall, however, I never perceived that to be a negative thing up until my peers constantly stated, “Shani, your standards are too high”. At one point in time, I started to believe what they were saying, but then I caught myself; my standards are set at the level in which they are based on me; what I have to offer and what I bring to the table. When you’re in search of companionship, lowering your standards will only attract, “help-mates”; individuals who need assistance, who may constantly look for you to fill a void where they lack and who may eventually become dependent. Keeping your standards at their current position will attract, “help-meets”; individuals that will assist you, pour into you, motivate you to do better in the areas in which you struggle.

On the contrary, as I’ve matured, I’ve learned the ability to decipher what areas are compromisable and what my deal breakers are. Engaging with someone who shares your core values is a must. Ever pondered on the thought as to why birds don’t date fish? Where will they live? Their needs and purposes are at two completely different ends of the spectrum. This newfound relationship may be exciting because it’s, “different”, but eventually the flame will burn out and they both will suffer tremendously.

In hindsight, people try to pursue what society classifies as the, “ideal mate”. Date what attracts you; if you adore intellectual conversations, be with someone who can provide that to you; if you like athletes, take one seriously who is reciprocating the same interest; if exotic dancers spark your interest, be with one, but understand the consequences that come along with dating your type. People have the tendency to go after what they believe they are supposed to and not what they actually desire. Typically, the root of their relationship problems isn’t their mate, but the fact that the person failed to be honest with themselves from the beginning. Do yourselves a favor by sticking to your guns, acknowledging when you’re being unrealistic and entertain what naturally attracts you.

Health, Lifestyle, Motivation, Travel, Uncategorized

Self – Love

Happy Friday ladies! I hope everybody’s day was nothing short of amazing and if it wasn’t, no worries. Why? Because every hour is an opportunity to restart and lows don’t last forever!

Today I want to take the time out to touch on “Self- Love.” As an active social media user, I tend to see these two words a lot. Everybody is for it and many seem to post about it. However, whether or not one is actually applying the concept is what truly matters. This being stated, what exactly is Self-Love? What does self love mean to you? Now before you answer that question, I understand that there will be a wide range of responses. However, I truly believe that the meaning behind every response will all essentially boil down to the same core principles. Below I have what self-love means to me and 4 steps you can take to begin or continue your Self-Love journey.

Self-Love is Self-Care. Self – Love is having the upmost regard, respect, and love for yourself to the point that you will consistently make decisions that will protect your overall wellbeing and happiness.

1. Sometimes breaks are necessary

It’s so easy to get caught up in everyday life motions. There are highs and there are lows. That is life. However, a part of loving & taking care of yourself is knowing when to mentally step away from certain things and reclaim your energy.

• Is a friend, relative, or acquaintance of yours always trying to gossip or has a way of draining you with his or her words? Step away!

• Do you find yourself spending way too much time on social media to the point that it takes away from your day? Step away!

• Attempting to remain friends after a freshly broken heart, but still find yourself crying? Na boo step away!

Whatever or whoever it is, if it is interfering with your peace of mind, removing yourself from that space for a day or two is necessary.

2. Make time to do WHAT you enjoy

• Stop putting your needs or interests on the side, make time for it!

• Deliberately taking time to do what YOU enjoy outside of everyday obligations is refreshing and will play a huge role in keeping you sane.

3. Surround yourself with loved ones

I cannot stress this enough!

• STOP putting your friends on the back-burner.

• Stop telling your loved ones you “don’t have time.”

• Take that sip and paint class with the ladies! Go get drinks with your favorite cousin. Value loved ones while they are here!

• Make that phone call!

4. Have a quiet moment of reflection.

• Take this time to put all electronics on DND and tell God/ the universe what you are thankful for on this very day.

• Shout those heart desires out loud.

• Reflect on your highs or lows of that day

• Listen to an encouraging sermon.

• RELAX & VISUALIZE personal goals