Tag: friendship

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Sacrificing Your Friends For Your Future

shaniselene

It’s important to monitor your inner circle when it comes to pursuing your goals in life. One of the hardest realities I’ve faced has been learning to let go of individuals that have exceeded their expiration date. I used to be one of those people who held onto relationships (both platonic and romantic) based on the amount of time the person has been in my life.

After various events that took place within a friendship of mine, I realized that outgrowing people is a part of life and accepted the fact that everyone isn’t meant to come along during certain parts of my journey. If you care for your loved ones as much as I do, then you’ll understand why this decision wasn’t an easy one. There will be some people that take offense to your choice because they either don’t understand or don’t want to put in the effort to understand that you all may be growing apart and going separate paths.

One of my biggest mistakes were allowing some of those people to make me feel guilty for growing, for becoming the woman I am and wanting more for myself. Rather than encouraging me, I was ignored, called conceited and selfish. They were wrong about every description except classifying me as, “selfish”.  Even though I’m not a self absorbed person, for the past (6) months I’ve been extremely selfish with my funds, time and things I put my energy into. They say that your 20’s are the perfect time to think about yourself.  This is the time to make decisions for yourself and highly consider what’s best for you; it isn’t the time to settle. 

After having an epiphany and grasping what that concept really meant, I no longer felt the need to apologize for the decisions I’ve been making. I quickly learned that my true friends who genuinely supported me resided in different parts of the world. Sometimes we get so caught up on accessibility and fail to realize that just because something is available and tangible doesn’t always mean it’s in our best interest.

You want to ensure that those around you call you to the carpet when you’re slacking. Your friends must be able to hold you accountable for your actions even when they aren’t the best. They need to have the ability to feed your spirit and pour into you when you don’t have the energy to do it for yourself. 

In no way, shape or form am I telling you to drop your, “day 1’s”. However, I do encourage you to decipher who your are keeping in your life, why you are keeping them in your life and if they deserve to stay.

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“Growing Pains”

shaniselene

“Chapter 24” has served as an eye opening benchmark thus far. When your parents advise you to prepare yourself for a loss of certain friendships as you begin to mature, please believe them. I find myself more and more isolated as each birthday arrives and each goal is accomplished. Initially, I held the perspective that the older and more successful I became, the larger my, “circle of friends” would grow; I was sadly mistaken (lol). Although I’m a social butterfly, I do enjoy my alone time when necessary, but I find myself indulging in, “me time” more often. One of my staple prayers has always been to remove anyone that has either reached their expiration date or no longer serves purpose in my life; this includes friends, family, peers and old flames. 

Oprah said a statement so profound that has resonated with me ever since; “You are not only responsible for the energy you give off, but you are also responsible for the energy you allow around you”. It’s vital to mind who you allow in your space; everyone’s intentions may not be as pure as your own. As frank as it may sound, this includes the individuals you label as, “friends”. After listening to Oprah’s words of wisdom, I began to analyze my current relationships and came to the realization that I often put in more effort than what was reciprocated. In no way am I saying to operate in a, “Tit for Tat” manner, but regardless if the relationships are platonic or romantic, both parties should benefit in some form or fashion. I was giving and stressing so much to the point where my immune system was compromised and I got sick. 

One of the hardest realities to accept was when you have a calling on your life; you can not and will not be for everyone. As you mature, you will outgrow certain people and things, but that’s the beauty about life. Your desires and needs change; what was once a priority is no longer of importance. When it comes to making sacrifices, this may mean ending ties with some people. During this purging phase I’m enduring, I’m learning the best way to handle situations such as these is to love people from afar. Envy, greed and insecurity serve as major threats to relationships, but they do exist. As difficult as it may be to fathom, there may be some people who posses those same traits in reference to you. They may not admit it, but it will revel itself within their actions. Once you witness the first sign reflecting those characteristics, you’ll know what you have to do. I’m a firm believer in allowing people to be who they are and respecting the manner in which they choose to live their life, even if I may disagree, but I also believe in doing what’s best for you. Tend to your crop and water your garden in order for you to bless others, but upon the first sight of Growing Painsweeds, remove them to prevent any hindrance of growth. Pour into the people and things that pour into you; nourish the areas that encourage you to thrive because you know what they say, “If you want to see who your real friends are, start a business”.