Author: shaniselene

Hey Dolls! I’m Shani Selene, lover of all things Beauty, Health and Lifestyle. As a former undergraduate from the University of South Florida (Go Bulls!) pursuing a career in Dermatology, adulting, prioritizing and staying true to my West Indian culture as well as who I am as person, can be quite challenging when you’re on a constant journey to find yourself. Partnering with, “The Modern Black Girl” has been such a blessing because not only do I get to network with you all, but I am granted the opportunity to hear your feedback, testimonies and overall outlook on what you believe to be the epitome of a Modern Black Girl XOXOXOXO.
Dating, Love, Relationships, Sex, Thoughts of a Black Girl, Urban Issues

Loving for the Best, not Settling for the Rest

shaniselene

When you’re in love, you never foresee the possibility of breaking up, but it happens. As time goes on, your heart heals and bonds are restored. The person you once loved to the pit of your sole no longer holds the same value they once had and that in itself is like heartbreak all over. No matter how many times you’re told that outgrowing people is a part of life, no one tells you the pain that follows. Who new that getting over the love of your life would hurt so bad?

As confident as I may be in other aspects of my life, I must admit that dating is scares me because everything is fame and internet driven. Most people that I meet are so consumed with first and impressions that they don’t realize they’re hiding behind a facade and not revealing their true self. I’ve also realized that our generation wants everything fast paced. It’s very rare to meet someone genuine and patient. All relationships have ups and downs, but your ability to work through them (if the relationship is worth salvaging) is what matters. 

It’s as if the minute turmoil presents itself, most want to call it quits. It baffles me that people state that marriage is the goal, but they’re unable to weather small storms leading up to it. Im thankful I’ve been able to meet some great men, but I can’t lie and say that I’m still unsatisfied; not because they don’t have anything to offer, they actually exceed my list, but because there is no spark and emotional connection. In my opinion, making the decision to be with someone due to their ability to be a great partner and provide a comfortable life, yet having nothing in common, is settling as well.

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Fall Back and Spring Forward

shaniselene

As the mark to make a month slowly approaches since I’ve been on a social media hiatus, I’m sad to say that it’s coming to an end. I’d be lying if I said that waking up carefree and not having to check notifications, direct messages or insights hasn’t been refreshing to say the least. I’ve gained so much clarity on specific situations pertaining to business endeavors, business relationships, friendships, school and I’ve learned so much about myself.

Even though my desire to return to social media has dwindled, it’s imperative to my growth as an entrepreneur. I’ve been blessed to obtain additional clients from sharing my content online. I’ve also had the opportunity to meet like minded individuals in the same field.

The most challenging part about my break was accepting the fact that even though I confirmed my perception on this virtual world that we’re so engulfed in, which I already knew, I must admit that it has played an important part in allowing myself to see all of the positive aspects that people see in me. There is nothing more fulfilling than knowing that you can not only encourage, but influence others to be the best they can be, solely by being yourself.

Self awareness is one thing, but when you come to a sudden realization and everything starts coming together, it all makes sense. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, pressured, confused and what to find out the people who are truly in your corner, unplug from everyone and everything. When it’s time for you to make your return, you’ll come back recharged, refreshed and ready to conquer!

About, Careers, Community, Faith, Health, Lifestyle, Opinions, Thoughts of a Black Girl, Uncategorized, Urban Issues

Unplugged

shaniselene

As you mature, life forces you to make tough decisions and if you’re anything like me, that isn’t necessarily your favorite thing to do. The year 2018 has advanced technology like no other, especially social media. While most enjoy snapping selfies, fulfilling their self esteem based on the number of views and likes they receive, I take pleasure in the moments that aren’t captured.

Earlier in the week, I experienced a mental breakdown, that I’m ashamed to admit that was linked to my social media platform that had me considering to delete my page. About (2) years ago, my instagram had 600 followers; fast forwarding to today, I’m at 6,000. The irony in this is that I had no intentions on growing my page, let alone indulging in blogging. Due to my oblivion of what was taking place, I hadn’t realized the type of community I was creating solely by being myself. Whether it was posting a picture with an inspiring caption, displaying ways to be proactive in achieving your goals, offering workouts to remain fit or sharing words of encouragement to my story, I related to my followers in some form or fashion.

Regardless of Instagram’s new algorithm, supplying your audience with what they want to see is critical to your success (based on society’s standards). About a month ago, 54% of my audience were men and 46% were women varying from the ages of 18-35. Since I’ve started my medical school journey, I’ve been touching base on the meetings I attend within my medical organization, clinical rotations at the hospital, shadowing sessions with various physicians, as well as my skincare services that I offer as an esthetician on my platform. Most have taken well to it, but some have been requesting more workout videos, makeup tips and stories where I demonstrate how I meal prep. Although I haven’t disregarded these requests, I’m aware of the importance of having a niche and being consistent.

What was the point of the backstory of my mini meltdown you may ask? Although I’m a firm believer of putting yourself first when it comes to your mental health, I’m a softy when it comes to those who seek advise and look for direction. That’s been my biggest battle thus far. Although I experience so much bliss when I’m not utilizing social media and enjoying the moment rather than capturing it, in the back of my mind, I think about those who look for my opinion. Yes, I believe in doing things for me, but I genuinely have a love for helping others. I’ve spent so much more time with God and have obtained the ability to hear him more clearly. On the contrary, I’ve received calls, texts and notifications of people checking on me and inquiring where I’ve gone. Keep in mind that it hasn’t been a full week, yet people have noticed. While that is a positive aspect and this decision has shown me who my true friends are, I still have to maneuver in a fashion conducive to my health. I encourage anyone experiencing similar emotions to take a break, unplug and refrain from feeling pressured to continue to do what you think you should be doing because the majority is doing it. I am so thankful that I have a fulfilling life outside of my platforms and don’t seek for validation from others compared to those who do. I haven’t made a final decision as far as when or if I’ll make a return. I’ve prayed and plan on fasting for an answer, but until then, you’ll just have to stay tuned.

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Sacrificing Your Friends For Your Future

shaniselene

It’s important to monitor your inner circle when it comes to pursuing your goals in life. One of the hardest realities I’ve faced has been learning to let go of individuals that have exceeded their expiration date. I used to be one of those people who held onto relationships (both platonic and romantic) based on the amount of time the person has been in my life.

After various events that took place within a friendship of mine, I realized that outgrowing people is a part of life and accepted the fact that everyone isn’t meant to come along during certain parts of my journey. If you care for your loved ones as much as I do, then you’ll understand why this decision wasn’t an easy one. There will be some people that take offense to your choice because they either don’t understand or don’t want to put in the effort to understand that you all may be growing apart and going separate paths.

One of my biggest mistakes were allowing some of those people to make me feel guilty for growing, for becoming the woman I am and wanting more for myself. Rather than encouraging me, I was ignored, called conceited and selfish. They were wrong about every description except classifying me as, “selfish”.  Even though I’m not a self absorbed person, for the past (6) months I’ve been extremely selfish with my funds, time and things I put my energy into. They say that your 20’s are the perfect time to think about yourself.  This is the time to make decisions for yourself and highly consider what’s best for you; it isn’t the time to settle. 

After having an epiphany and grasping what that concept really meant, I no longer felt the need to apologize for the decisions I’ve been making. I quickly learned that my true friends who genuinely supported me resided in different parts of the world. Sometimes we get so caught up on accessibility and fail to realize that just because something is available and tangible doesn’t always mean it’s in our best interest.

You want to ensure that those around you call you to the carpet when you’re slacking. Your friends must be able to hold you accountable for your actions even when they aren’t the best. They need to have the ability to feed your spirit and pour into you when you don’t have the energy to do it for yourself. 

In no way, shape or form am I telling you to drop your, “day 1’s”. However, I do encourage you to decipher who your are keeping in your life, why you are keeping them in your life and if they deserve to stay.

About, Dating, Love, Opinions, Relationships, Sex, TheMBG, Thoughts of a Black Girl, Uncategorized, Urban Issues

Knowing When It’s Time To Let Go

shaniselene

December will make (3) years since I’ve been in a committed relationship and as much as     I’d like to say that it was a challenge to overcome, that’s not necessarily the case. Like most people, the desire to rekindle an old flame sat at the back of my mind for quite some time, but after revisiting the events that took place I realized the breakup was for the best.

Being in love comes with a sense of euphoria as well as a great deal of pain because once you all hit your first bump in the road, it feels as if your world is ending. After the dust settles and you all make up, everything goes back to normal. The thing about love that most leave out is outgrowing the person. They could be the most attractive, sweetest and intelligent partner, but the goals you have for yourself and their ambition may not align. People don’t always part ways due to infidelity; sometimes they just grow apart. If you’re self aware, you typically sense when it’s time to move on, but we all know it’s not that easy to let go.

When I was in a relationship, although I was happy, I placed a lot of weight on the future. Yes, planning ahead is important; picturing yourself with the other person for, “forever” is what I’ve learned to consider when dating, but I’ve also realized that accepting the person at face value is just as important. It’s a great concept to have when it comes to seeing the potential in your partner, but what most fail to realize is that it isn’t guaranteed. After having an epiphany, I made the conscious decision to move forward and not to turn back. Even though he was my best friend, my confidant and lover, I had to stomach the fact that we were on two completely different paths. One of the hardest things about love is accepting the fact that just because you love someone, that does not signify that you all must be together.

If I told you there wasn’t a sense of guilt that followed this frame of mind, I’d be lying. It’s tough making decisions that you don’t want to and it’s even tougher regarding the means you go about doing so. In no way, shape or form am I perfect; I’m human. As a human being, learning to make and live with the decisions you make are not only a part of life, but a part of love. Knowing what I know now, had I prolonged what had plateaued so long ago, resentment had the possibility of developing. Rather than ending up tolerating one another, letting go was best because it saved whatever form of friendship we could have.

I can’t see what 2020 will hold, I don’t know what’s to come in the future and I’m not putting a time limit on anything, but what I can do is prepare. I can use the lessons learned in my past to advance my relationship to come. I can be vocal when I feel as if our situation seems as if it is becoming complacent and stagnant and know that my partner will reciprocate what needs to be done to avoid this from consuming our relationship based on the foundation we’ve built. I encourage everyone to listen to their gut; listen to your spirit because it won’t steer you wrong. Never stay out of guilt, but stay purely out of desire.

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For the Love of Medicine

shaniselene

I recently began my clinical rotations at Florida Hospital this past week and although shadowing is not a requirement, it makes your medical school resume more competitive. This experience not only has altered my perception of life, but I’ve gained a newfound appreciation for my well being. Seeing numerous people with a variety of chronic illnesses and diseases opened my eyes to the lack of knowledge surrounding health. 

One patient in particular has been battling sickle cell disease for their entire life; she’s forty years old and a mother of two. Along with excruciating joint pain and body aches, she was also in need of an oxygen mask due to having difficulty breathing. Thankfully, she has the support of her parents to assist with her illness and children, but I can only imagine her daily stressors.

It’s sometimes hard to fathom why bad things happen to good people, but unfortunately, that is life. There is no easy way to accept these circumstances, but this is what makes the job of a physician special because they have the ability to either find cures or assist with prolonging the life of the patient. This experience has further much confirmed my reasoning to pursue my specialty of interest because it breaks my heart to see those in pain. Dermatology not only allows me to educate others about skin care and assist with clearing their skin, but empower them and build their self confidence.

I highly advise those of you who are premed students or anyone interested in pursuing a career in the medical field to not only shadow at a private practice, but at an actual hospital. It will allow you to see what you’re interested in, as well as what you can and can’t handle. Being a medical professional includes having to keep your composure even during high stress situations. If you have a genuine passion to help those and love medicine, then go for it. Yes it will be a challenging journey, but the outcome will be rewarding.

Dating, Faith, Featured, Lifestyle, Love, Opinions, Relationships, Sex, Thoughts of a Black Girl, Urban Issues

Relationships Don’t Solve Your Problems, They Magnify Who You Really Are

shaniselene

As the year progresses, “Relationships” seem to become the topic of everyone’s conversation. There’s not a day that goes by where I scroll through my feed or timeline on my social media handles and someone is either begging, complaining or yearning for a relationship. There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting a significant other, but there are a variety of factors that most forget to consider.

Having a partner extends beyond cute Instagram pictures, videos and wearing matching outfits. If the goal is marriage, this person needs to be able to befriend you, confide in you, pray for you (depending on your beliefs) and help you grow into a better person while you reciprocate those same abilities. When negative factors are presented, you all need to take the time out to make an effort to fix the issue. While infidelity is a deal breaker for myself, I always encourage those who’ve endured this form of trauma to see if this is an area they can work through; if it’s fixable or worth it? Based on experience, most people assume that marriage is the answer to all solutions, when in fact that it is the total opposite. It simply uncovers who you both are as individuals , so if underlying issues persist either between the two of you or within yourselves, the marriage is likely to suffer.

In regards to underlying issues, insecurities are common factors. Many people don’t realize how their self esteem and confidence levels will impact their partner and dynamic of the relationship. We all suffer from things that we’d either like to change or aren’t content about, but what we must understand is until we love ourselves wholeheartedly, we will look for that same love within our partner. They will never be able to grant you that type of satisfaction because you all need to come together as (2) whole people; think of your partner as an asset rather than a need, therefore the element of codependency is nonexistent.

Unions are such a beautiful thing, however, good things come to those who wait. Don’t ever allow your impatience to rush you into a situation to satisfy temporary desires. Prepare and position yourself to be loved and to be received. While you’re waiting cultivate you, allow yourself to flourish, mold your craft so you can thrive and remember to enjoy your singleness because once the love of your life arrives, it’s no longer about you.

Beauty, Community, Lifestyle, Motivation, Opinions, Thoughts of a Black Girl, Urban Issues

Confidence Is Skin Deep

shaniselene

From adolescence, women are taught that beauty is vital. It’s attractive and the key to gaining a man’s attention, but what about confidence? Whether it’s on television, radio, magazines or social media, we are subconsciously reminded that beauty is heavily based upon the external. While most of us may be saying, “I’m confident with or without makeup”, but we all know there has been a point in time where we’ve felt the complete opposite.

Other than a pasty complexion, I take pride in a fresh face because it is all natural. Based on my past experiences, every person I’ve ever been involved with has either said they prefer me without makeup or I don’t need it. Although that isn’t enough to cease my cosmetic application completely, there is something liberating that comes along with wanting to wear makeup, but not needing to. During the recovery period from one of the biggest allergic reactions I’ve ever experienced, I had epiphany and realized my self confidence was at the lowest it has ever been.

I’ve never had acne or problematic skin, so acquiring contact dermatitis from a cosmetic product that I’ve been using for the last (5) years gave me the opportunity to empathize with those who do.  Who knew that having red spots on your face could affect how you felt about yourself overall? Regardless if they are temporary, the biggest issue was that I was uncomfortable because I’ve never experienced this before.

Even though this was a new feeling, I am a grateful for what I endured because it made me realize that I also had superior confidence within myself when everything was normal, but my self-esteem was questioned upon signs of trouble. I also learned that we tend to make things greater than what they are due to being self-conscious. Either people didn’t notice or my imperfections were insignificant because it did not prevent them looking or coming up and speaking to me. This was a clear indication that I was overthinking the entire situation and that I started relying on my exterior versus what I have to offer from within. This is no excuse, but it’s easier said than done when you are constantly reminded of your outer beauty.

This is why I encourage makeup free days for those who are uncomfortable without makeup. At the end of the day, you have to be happy with your reflection when you look in the mirror. I feel blessed to have self confidence with or without makeup, but I’m also thankful that I had this recent experience because it displayed my true self, gave me more confidence because it reminded me that I am more than my aesthetics and humbled me. The moment you’re able to feel as good as you do as you look on the outside, it’s like you become a whole new woman.

Dating, Lifestyle, Love, Opinions, Relationships, Sex, Thoughts of a Black Girl, Urban Issues

Distance or No Distance?

shaniselene

Long distance relationships are extremely common in 2018 and only continue to grow as the state of social media improves. My experiences regarding distant relationships were actually pleasant. Our geographical location in which we each were was the only con; initially. At that current point in time, I was a junior in college, looking forward to graduation and my post graduate endeavors. I took pride in going to see my boyfriend at the time because it meant traveling, free food, being spoiled with additional attention and most importantly, quality time.

While I’d love to blame the distance between us for our breakup, it shared no responsibility. It was one of those things where two people who were madly in love needed time to grow and come into their own. As heartbreaking as the decision would be  for most, it was one of those things that you necessarily did not want to do, but had to.  Fortunately, it worked out for the best. We are still friends, support one another and the best part is, genuine love is still there. Although I’m unsure of what the future may hold, I’m happy with the current state of my life and can’t wait to see what God has in store for me.

Now that I’m 24 years of age, I view relationships on an entire new level. I wholeheartedly believe that long distant relationships are doable, however, both parties must put in the effort. This includes having the understanding that finances must be taken into consideration for travel and the frequency in which you all are visiting one another. In situations such as this, communication is key due to the fact that you aren’t able to physically see one another. That being said, take advantage of video chat options like FaceTime or Skype.

I aspire to be a wife and I’m currently praying for constant preparation, which is why I’ve come to the realization that whether my next relationship is distant or takes place in the same vicinity, it all boils down to my significant other and I being on one accord. Is marriage the goal, are they family oriented, can they pray for me and pray to God to seek guidance in a time of uncertainty? I sometimes feel as if women have the tendency to get caught up on a checklist of what they expect relationships to be and tend to complicate things when they can be so simple. Men aren’t as difficult as we make them seem and typically know if you’re the one or someone they can see themselves with within 6 months.

If you’ve met someone in which you share an instant connection, have undeniable chemistry with, whose morals align with yours, can have fun with and enjoy each other’s company while doing absolutely nothing, but your relationship may have to start off distant initially, give it a try. If you all are serious about one another, you will make it a point to relocate to an area that fits the both of your needs. Where there’s a will, there’s a way and if he truly wants it, he’ll go after it (you).

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Fresh Faced

shaniselene

Tomorrow marks the final day of my makeup detox and I must say that I see a significant difference in my skin. Although I absolutely enjoy being dolled up, I usually take pride in my, “Fresh Faced” days. Disciplining myself to go makeup free for an entire week was a slight challenge this go around because I am still recovering from the allergic reaction that I experienced about a month ago. I was so determined to stick to this detox that in the event that I had to run an errand or leave the house, I wore a medical mask to cover the areas from the sun (oddly enough, I still got hit on and approached, but that’s for another blog post lol).

This detox has allowed me to pinpoint certain products and ingredients that don’t agree with my skin and also served as an example for what happens when wearing makeup excessively. Typically, the longest I’d wear makeup is around eight hours, but between relocating within the last two weeks and entertaining guests that were in town, I wore makeup for thirteen hours over the course of three consecutive days and the irritation that I experienced was a clear indicator that this wasn’t something my skin was accustomed to. Initially, I thought that I was building an allergy to my foundation, but quickly came to the conclusion that wearing it more than my regular regimen. Most are unaware of this, but a majority of skin allergies stem from products already introduced to the skin. For example, you could be using a facial cleanser for ten years and the eleventh year, have an adverse reaction to it.

If you’re a product junkie like myself, I suggest doing an at home patch test if you’re unaware of ingredients that don’t agree with your skin. The area on your inner wrist and forearm are the closest to the skin on your face. Apply a pea size amount of the new product (label if it’s more than one) and allow to sit for (24) hours. If you notice any signs of inflammation or bumps, that is a clear indication of an irritant. If you’d like to take it a step further, you can ask your physician if they offer medical patch tests at their office or to direct you to a physician that does. The process is quite similar, but instead of (24) hours, a patch test panel is taped to your back for (48) hours. They can test anything from makeup to latex to decipher what you are allergic to. Since I am constantly asked about skincare, I also recommend getting your blood type tested. Once your blood type is identified, you can obtain a list of foods and ingredients that aren’t suitable for it. This serves as a great way to clear your skin if you are experiencing problems, but as always, I advise everyone who seeks my advice to speak to a Dermatologist; they are not only professional, but have the access to tools and additional knowledge to conduct further research and can confirm if your skin concerns are dietary, hormonally or cosmetically related.

Aside from giving your skin a breather, I encourage all cosmetic lovers to indulge in a makeup detox. My face is brighter, more even and supple. Not only is it great for your skin, but it helps fuel your self confidence if your suffer with insecurities of going bare. There is something empowering about not wearing makeup and living in your natural truth. For those of you who aren’t as comfortable going makeup free, this is a great way to start. As aesthetically pleasing as you may be externally, remember that beauty fades and at the end of the day, YOU have to be ok with what you see in the mirror when you wake up in the morning, so love yourself wholeheartedly; imperfections and all.