TOABG – The Modern Black Girl

Dear Youngin’,

Wow! Who would’ve thought you’d be here today. Who would of thought you’d learn so much in the span of two and a half years. It’s crazy where life takes you and sometimes it’s difficult to understand the journey but don’t ever question it.

Looking back there’s so many things I wish I could tell you but the truth be told, I wouldn’t be able to sit here and have this wisdom if you didn’t go through the situations that not only bent you a little or a lot but molded you into a fearless young beast.

So here’s some things you should know.

You Are Powerful

Don’t ever question what you’re capable of. As cliche as it sounds you have the ability to make a difference and you know exactly what you want to accomplish. Do not let the world and those around you sway you away from your destiny and truth. You can honestly do anything you put your mind to and the only thing standing in your way is YOU. Go for it!

You Are Worth It

You are worth waiting for. You are worth someone who will really be a someone who will uplift you and not tear you down. You are worthy of trust-filled friendships. You are worthy. Do not give into others demands because you feel as if you’re not worth this or that. Believe in your worth and know it without a doubt.

Stop Trying To Please Everyone

Look I get it. You’re new to this. You’ve never been on your own and had to deal with 4 roommates who are all completely different. You’ve never been separated from your friends of 10 years and had to make new ones but don’t feel like you have to make everyone happy. Not being rude but you physically cannot satisfy each and every person in your life. You just can’t and you know what? That’s Okay!

You Have Time

You are 18 years old. Don’t rush the process. You have plenty of time to be an adult. You have time to find a relationship. You have time to find a job and be free from your parents supporting you. Now at 21 I can say you’ll still struggle with this, it doesn’t just go away but really live in the moment. You’ll never be as young and free as you are today and take advantage of that. Live each day like it’s your last and enjoy it. Go to that party. Go to the dining hall with everyone even though you only have $15. Make the memories now because when your time does come and adulthood is really bestowed upon you. It’s these memories that will forever make you smile.

Call Home More

Check-in more than once a week. I know you’re busy and calling mom and dad just because seems pointless. I know mama calls at the absolute worst times and dad always calls at 8:30 on Saturday like you’re not still passed out from the night before but it’s just them missing you. Yes, you’re on your own now and an adult “technically” but you’ll always be their baby girl. They’re not being annoying, they’re just missing you.

Love,

Auri

What would you tell your freshman self?

How many of us came to college with a special someone from back home?

How many of us are still with that person?

Through my 3 years at college there’s one thing that I’ve realized when it comes to relationships. You don’t really see a lot of them. People will date for a few months but long term relationships are practically nonexistent.
Why do you think this is?

Well personally I always have believed that college is the time where many people go to find themselves. It’s where you’re free from your parents rules and regulations and can finally figure out what you want out of life. It’s a place where you’re continuously changing and growing and it is difficult to do that when you’re attached to someone else.

I look back on the freshman I was in 2015 and don’t recognize her sometimes. I have grown immensely. I’ve went through relationships and have grown out of them because I realized I wanted more or the qualities I thought I wanted in someone changed. I look for different things in partners now than I did two years ago and I can honestly say that I’m positive that will continue to change over the next few years.

My mom used to always tell me “You have your whole life to be tied down, enjoy your freedom while you can.” I don’t know if this just stuck with me or did I just grow to realize that being tied down is not what I want for myself in college.

Now this is not to dismiss those of you who are in amazing relationships and can grow together. I’m always amazed at couples who have made it through the test of time in college and look forward to their future together. A common theme they always reiterated is that communication and understanding is what got them through.

Could this the problem with dating in college? Do we as young adults lack communication and understanding? I know I’m not perfect and I have so much growing to do but I don’t believe I’m a bad communicator at all and I’m one of the most understanding people out there. So is it by choice that many of us in college remain single or is by force to teach us how to communicate with our partners trial by trial until we get it right? With every new relationship do we learn to understand a little more?

Ultimately, is college for relationships or is it a trial of what an adult relationship will consist of so that when you meet that person, your person, you’ve grown and have developed into the adult who you need to be for that relationship to work?

You tell me!

Tag: TOABG

A Letter To Freshman Me

Is College For Relationships?