Tag: insecurity

Dating, Faith, Featured, Lifestyle, Love, Opinions, Relationships, Sex, Thoughts of a Black Girl, Urban Issues

Relationships Don’t Solve Your Problems, They Magnify Who You Really Are

shaniselene

As the year progresses, “Relationships” seem to become the topic of everyone’s conversation. There’s not a day that goes by where I scroll through my feed or timeline on my social media handles and someone is either begging, complaining or yearning for a relationship. There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting a significant other, but there are a variety of factors that most forget to consider.

Having a partner extends beyond cute Instagram pictures, videos and wearing matching outfits. If the goal is marriage, this person needs to be able to befriend you, confide in you, pray for you (depending on your beliefs) and help you grow into a better person while you reciprocate those same abilities. When negative factors are presented, you all need to take the time out to make an effort to fix the issue. While infidelity is a deal breaker for myself, I always encourage those who’ve endured this form of trauma to see if this is an area they can work through; if it’s fixable or worth it? Based on experience, most people assume that marriage is the answer to all solutions, when in fact that it is the total opposite. It simply uncovers who you both are as individuals , so if underlying issues persist either between the two of you or within yourselves, the marriage is likely to suffer.

In regards to underlying issues, insecurities are common factors. Many people don’t realize how their self esteem and confidence levels will impact their partner and dynamic of the relationship. We all suffer from things that we’d either like to change or aren’t content about, but what we must understand is until we love ourselves wholeheartedly, we will look for that same love within our partner. They will never be able to grant you that type of satisfaction because you all need to come together as (2) whole people; think of your partner as an asset rather than a need, therefore the element of codependency is nonexistent.

Unions are such a beautiful thing, however, good things come to those who wait. Don’t ever allow your impatience to rush you into a situation to satisfy temporary desires. Prepare and position yourself to be loved and to be received. While you’re waiting cultivate you, allow yourself to flourish, mold your craft so you can thrive and remember to enjoy your singleness because once the love of your life arrives, it’s no longer about you.

Careers, Community, Faith, Lifestyle, Opinions, Relationships, TheMBG, Thoughts of a Black Girl, Uncategorized

“Growing Pains”

shaniselene

“Chapter 24” has served as an eye opening benchmark thus far. When your parents advise you to prepare yourself for a loss of certain friendships as you begin to mature, please believe them. I find myself more and more isolated as each birthday arrives and each goal is accomplished. Initially, I held the perspective that the older and more successful I became, the larger my, “circle of friends” would grow; I was sadly mistaken (lol). Although I’m a social butterfly, I do enjoy my alone time when necessary, but I find myself indulging in, “me time” more often. One of my staple prayers has always been to remove anyone that has either reached their expiration date or no longer serves purpose in my life; this includes friends, family, peers and old flames. 

Oprah said a statement so profound that has resonated with me ever since; “You are not only responsible for the energy you give off, but you are also responsible for the energy you allow around you”. It’s vital to mind who you allow in your space; everyone’s intentions may not be as pure as your own. As frank as it may sound, this includes the individuals you label as, “friends”. After listening to Oprah’s words of wisdom, I began to analyze my current relationships and came to the realization that I often put in more effort than what was reciprocated. In no way am I saying to operate in a, “Tit for Tat” manner, but regardless if the relationships are platonic or romantic, both parties should benefit in some form or fashion. I was giving and stressing so much to the point where my immune system was compromised and I got sick. 

One of the hardest realities to accept was when you have a calling on your life; you can not and will not be for everyone. As you mature, you will outgrow certain people and things, but that’s the beauty about life. Your desires and needs change; what was once a priority is no longer of importance. When it comes to making sacrifices, this may mean ending ties with some people. During this purging phase I’m enduring, I’m learning the best way to handle situations such as these is to love people from afar. Envy, greed and insecurity serve as major threats to relationships, but they do exist. As difficult as it may be to fathom, there may be some people who posses those same traits in reference to you. They may not admit it, but it will revel itself within their actions. Once you witness the first sign reflecting those characteristics, you’ll know what you have to do. I’m a firm believer in allowing people to be who they are and respecting the manner in which they choose to live their life, even if I may disagree, but I also believe in doing what’s best for you. Tend to your crop and water your garden in order for you to bless others, but upon the first sight of Growing Painsweeds, remove them to prevent any hindrance of growth. Pour into the people and things that pour into you; nourish the areas that encourage you to thrive because you know what they say, “If you want to see who your real friends are, start a business”.