Tag: dating

Dating, Lifestyle, Love, Opinions, Relationships, Sex, Thoughts of a Black Girl, Urban Issues

Distance or No Distance?

shaniselene

Long distance relationships are extremely common in 2018 and only continue to grow as the state of social media improves. My experiences regarding distant relationships were actually pleasant. Our geographical location in which we each were was the only con; initially. At that current point in time, I was a junior in college, looking forward to graduation and my post graduate endeavors. I took pride in going to see my boyfriend at the time because it meant traveling, free food, being spoiled with additional attention and most importantly, quality time.

While I’d love to blame the distance between us for our breakup, it shared no responsibility. It was one of those things where two people who were madly in love needed time to grow and come into their own. As heartbreaking as the decision would be  for most, it was one of those things that you necessarily did not want to do, but had to.  Fortunately, it worked out for the best. We are still friends, support one another and the best part is, genuine love is still there. Although I’m unsure of what the future may hold, I’m happy with the current state of my life and can’t wait to see what God has in store for me.

Now that I’m 24 years of age, I view relationships on an entire new level. I wholeheartedly believe that long distant relationships are doable, however, both parties must put in the effort. This includes having the understanding that finances must be taken into consideration for travel and the frequency in which you all are visiting one another. In situations such as this, communication is key due to the fact that you aren’t able to physically see one another. That being said, take advantage of video chat options like FaceTime or Skype.

I aspire to be a wife and I’m currently praying for constant preparation, which is why I’ve come to the realization that whether my next relationship is distant or takes place in the same vicinity, it all boils down to my significant other and I being on one accord. Is marriage the goal, are they family oriented, can they pray for me and pray to God to seek guidance in a time of uncertainty? I sometimes feel as if women have the tendency to get caught up on a checklist of what they expect relationships to be and tend to complicate things when they can be so simple. Men aren’t as difficult as we make them seem and typically know if you’re the one or someone they can see themselves with within 6 months.

If you’ve met someone in which you share an instant connection, have undeniable chemistry with, whose morals align with yours, can have fun with and enjoy each other’s company while doing absolutely nothing, but your relationship may have to start off distant initially, give it a try. If you all are serious about one another, you will make it a point to relocate to an area that fits the both of your needs. Where there’s a will, there’s a way and if he truly wants it, he’ll go after it (you).

Community, Dating, Education, Faith, Featured, Health, Love, Relationships, Sex, TheMBG, Thoughts of a Black Girl, Uncategorized, Urban Issues

Soul Ties

shaniselene

Many of us fail to realize the severity of soul ties when we make the decision to lay down with someone. We often hide behind coined terms such as, “savage” and “nonchalant” rather than surrendering to our emotions that follow physical intimacy. Although there are many of us (despite what society believes) that have the ability to carry on as if nothing ever happened after the, “deed is done”, most of us need to admit that as time progresses, feelings eventually resurface and for others, they tend to linger. 

Think about your experiences; are you aware of an individual that you just can’t seem to get rid of? You all may fuss and fight, have spontaneous arguments, take time apart, but then happen to find your way back to one another. Even if you’re cognizant that this person may not be good for you, they aren’t mature enough, ready or on your level, somehow you manage to look past every red flag waived in your direction due to hope, “what-ifs” and unknown soul ties. 

Spiritual bonds such as these require prayer in order to be released. No amount of social media purging and avoidance or deleting contact information and pictures will rid you of what has been internally housed. This is why sex goes deeper than penetration and stimulation; you become one with that individual during the act.

As you mature and the more seasoned you become in life, you learn loving someone does not warrant a relationship. The more time you indulge in your singleness and explore who you are as a person, you will begin to grasp the concept of what you like, dislike and need. Often times, the person that we believe to be our soul mate isn’t meant to be our life partner. With wisdom comes understanding; understanding that what you need from a person to function throughout life is far more important that what you may desire. Many of us have soul ties that we’re unaware of, but in order for you to be freed from something keeping you hostage, you must claim it.

Dating, Love, Relationships

Couple Pep Talks-Are they necessary?

Ke'Anna B

I’ve been going through some relationship issues that I am unsure I can fix. Lately, the arguments are repetitive. I continue to have to remind him to say I love you before leaving. Or to say good morning and good night when we wake up and before we go to sleep. Those conversations aren’t what seems to be bothering me though. What I can’t understand is why I have to repeat myself when it comes to means of cheating and disrespect. Talking to your ex? No go. Discussions with that woman that we all know can’t wait until I slip so she can slide, no go. Flirting with a female that follows me and likes our pictures. (in my Cardi B voice lol) Why? If the tables were turned, would you men be able to stand your woman making moves like you have in those scenarios? I doubt it. So let’s be real, why are you doing it? Okayyyy let me backup because I am going pretty hard. A girl can vent can’t she? That’s what I have you all for right? The feeling is mutual. In the meantime, here’s a question to ponder on while I talk my trash, should you have to have a conversation with your significant other on what is considered cheating? Don’t try to get shy now. Come back to this screen NOW!

 

Keywords: “Have” and “To”

 

Now I will contradict myself in a minute for a good cause so here it goes. For those of you that say you don’t feel you have to:

 

How in the hell is he/she supposed to know what “YOU” deem cheating or even inappropriate if you all never shared that with one another? How in the hell will he/she know not to speak to their ex they’ve been friends with for years, with you knowing, if you do not say “Hey Jack, Jill needs to slide. I don’t feel comfortable with my man/woman communicate with their ex when we are building our own empire at the time.” Simple. Now I never said his/her response back would be simple but the amount of time it took you to say that is the amount of time it will take for you to karate chop them in the throat when they proceed to try that sh*t again. Wtbs, tell they ass, tell they ass. So when you are mad you actually have a reason to be.

For those of you that say you do feel like the conversation should be had:

Why? Girl for what? That is a grown ass man/woman. Did they drop the manual in your mailbox and hire you to administer the cheating course? I think not. We have to tighten up. Repeating ourselves 1 time is cool but 2 or 3 times we are finding ourselves sounding like pure robots. Aren’t you tired? I remember really sitting around thinking of ways to repeat what I said in this disagreement last week. Ugh. That shit does get tiring, sometimes necessary. But for the most part it’s a waste of time. They should know basic home training, welp apply that to your daily life and with this cheating topic. Girlfriend. Not a mother. Nurturing tendencies but not a MOTHER. Not a home girl/home boy. Not a big cousin. A girlfriend/wife that is learning and figuring things out too. So I do double the work because you can’t get right Mr. Get Right? Lol Okay okay I’ll stop picking on you all. Seriously though, it’s not an OBLIGATION NOR A TASK so wtbs, chill out he should know what it is from jump. Period!

 

Now let’s keep it 100, what would you say?

Love, Sex, Uncategorized

Sex Drive

Ke'Anna B

“Get it girl. Get it girl.” My favorite thing to say while I get into bed with my silk “do me baby” lingerie set. It’s been a while and I might seem a little nervous but I’m not. We all need a little pressure in our chest, you know what I mean right? I was having a conversation with my brother yesterday and he had the audacity to say “women don’t NEED sex.” No, playa playa a** dudes are the ones that need to lay off the goodies a bit. I’m getting mine, I don’t know about you.

It’s been 3 long days since Ashton and I got freaky. The longest days of my life to be completely honest. Nobody should ever have to suffer the way that I have. Head hurts, edges are thinning out and my big booty jeans not fitting. I’m sick! HELP! As a woman, there are specific WANTS that I have. You think Ashton is the only one using those whips and chains. Look at my face right now…

*waits for you all to look at me*

tumblr_msrnsjcIjN1sfirr4o1_250.gif

Is it a crime to be a woman that enjoys sex just as much as her man does? Or gets that tingle in between her thighs when her man does something simple like licks his lips? I mean that’s the same as me bending over in my shorts on and you “ouuuu” and “aww” at the site of it. The same morning sex meme’s and gif’s of a girl clapping those cheeks together are the same kinds of meme’s I’m retweeting at 3am. I want to be the girl clapping her cheeks for Zaddy. I mean, why not?

I hear people screaming all of the time “A lady in the streets but a freak in the sheets.” But as soon as I tell you my biggest fantasy or what scene I want us to role-play, I’m not being ladylike. Yeah, just as I thought. I only partake in ladylike activities between 8am-6pm. Just kidding, just kidding but kind of serious. Lol. Face it guys, women are just as horny as you men maybe even MORE. Let’s argue a bit? Do you really think men are the ONLY people that can have a high sex drive and want to hump like a rabbit? I think absolutely not.

The amount of time and effort that we spend on Fashion Nova buying their bad and boujie lingerie and trying to find my size on Vicki Secret, I deserve to bless you with all of this chocolate. Seriously though I need you all to understand that you are not the rulers of sex. It’s enough tricks, flips and handstands to go around. We are not taking away from your sex life just simply making it more interesting. So get your panties out of a bunch and face the facts. Women are about to take over the sex game. Women may not NEED sex but we want, crave and dream about sex just as you all do. 

-xoxo

 

Dating, Love, Relationships, Sex

Standard Sustainability

shaniselene

In a world of life-sized Genetically Modified Objects and socially inept individuals who lack the ability to verbally communicate, make eye contact during a discussion or refrain from expressing their emotional state on social media, it can be quite challenging to possess and abide by standards that seem so far-fetched in today’s society. I’ve always had high standards for as long as I can recall, however, I never perceived that to be a negative thing up until my peers constantly stated, “Shani, your standards are too high”. At one point in time, I started to believe what they were saying, but then I caught myself; my standards are set at the level in which they are based on me; what I have to offer and what I bring to the table. When you’re in search of companionship, lowering your standards will only attract, “help-mates”; individuals who need assistance, who may constantly look for you to fill a void where they lack and who may eventually become dependent. Keeping your standards at their current position will attract, “help-meets”; individuals that will assist you, pour into you, motivate you to do better in the areas in which you struggle.

On the contrary, as I’ve matured, I’ve learned the ability to decipher what areas are compromisable and what my deal breakers are. Engaging with someone who shares your core values is a must. Ever pondered on the thought as to why birds don’t date fish? Where will they live? Their needs and purposes are at two completely different ends of the spectrum. This newfound relationship may be exciting because it’s, “different”, but eventually the flame will burn out and they both will suffer tremendously.

In hindsight, people try to pursue what society classifies as the, “ideal mate”. Date what attracts you; if you adore intellectual conversations, be with someone who can provide that to you; if you like athletes, take one seriously who is reciprocating the same interest; if exotic dancers spark your interest, be with one, but understand the consequences that come along with dating your type. People have the tendency to go after what they believe they are supposed to and not what they actually desire. Typically, the root of their relationship problems isn’t their mate, but the fact that the person failed to be honest with themselves from the beginning. Do yourselves a favor by sticking to your guns, acknowledging when you’re being unrealistic and entertain what naturally attracts you.

Dating, Love, Relationships, Uncategorized

Are You Foolish For Staying?

Ke'Anna B

Does staying in a relationship after being cheated on make you dumb?

Today was just one of those days. I woke up on the wrong side of the bed. See last night we got into the worst disagreement. It wasn’t just our typical “you’re so inconsiderate of my feelings” argument this time. We were on the verge of a break-up. Was I not doing enough? Is working a 9 to 5 with overtime not sexy? A strong black woman taking on responsibility was supposed to make me a winner. But at this very moment I did not feel that way. So I went through his phone about 5 pm yesterday. Only to find that he wasn’t at that so called “study session”. He was with Tommy. Tommy is on my “eh, haven’t figured you out yet” list. He’s far from a prince charming. I just knew he would let Tommy be the one to get him caught up. Anyway, I start going through the thread. We have screenshots of Tommy and his little sexting chronicles, pictures of dumb guy stuff and…. snap-chat screenshots.

This is when I started getting pissed off. Please tell me I’m not about to find him cheating. After scroll…and scrolling…and scrolling… I see that the conversation has been going on for some time now. At this point it is 6:15 pm. You’re wondering how I managed to find this huh? It wasn’t hard. Trust. Or at least when you pretend to trust one another. He has nothing to hide so he says. So every so often he allows me to take a peak. This time he didn’t have time to delete his messages. Yay me! I know it’s a lot but just bare with me. So I see some girl he claims is his “sister”. Eh I’m not buying it. How could I, when all I saw was explicit videos and pictures? The best part about my little investigation was her saving their messages from her end. Of course snapchat would allow you to save messages even if the other person does not care to. Smh. Snapchat has become the official dead zone. It is a trap, though I am grateful for it in this case.

So after I see the pictures I send him this extremely long message. His read receipts are on so I know he got my message. He read it at 7’oclock. At this point, I’m not feeling this late texting back. The way I feel it’s about to go down, right here, right now. I ask straight up, “what is going on?” He responds “Look…” “Nope, stop it right there.” I say. I begin to read him from A to Z. No shortcuts or holding back. I’m going full throttle on my Kill Bill vibe. Im beyond upset. All he says is “I’m sorry.” I’m sorry? Really? Do you know he had the audacity to say to me that he feels unloved. Unloved? *pause*

Okay so where were we? Right, this foolery. Am I getting left for another woman? So I start asking questions, as we do when we are upset and do not like the answer we were given. Yeah, like that. He says he doesn’t know if he wants to change his mind. Okay so I decided to leave the details on how I begged him not to leave me. Kill me with the know your worth crap because in this very instant I’m hurt. I want my man to stay. Maybe I can hear him out and figure how to fix things. Was it even fixable? So after a 4 hour conversation he decided he needed a break. Probably needed to go fill Tommy’s no good behind in. It’s not like he’s going to say anything. He likes to stay out of it when it gets too heated. Even when it is his fault, in a way.  

He texts me back insisting we should talk. So I immediately Facetimed him. I need to see facial expressions. I need to feel what direction the conversation is going in. We started with the usual small talk, discuss how bad things got and he said if I could change then we could be together. He’d let her go for me. So I said “I’ll change.” He did not hesitate to say “Good, I didn’t want to lose you anyway.” On the plus side, we have been together for 9 months since that incident. No signs of cheating. No funny business after she cut chick off. We are doing great! I’m glad I stayed, unfortunately, my friends keep saying I’m dumb for staying. There was something in me that wouldn’t allow me to leave him.. I love that man.

So the question is:

Does staying in a relationship after being cheated on make you dumb?