cheating – The Modern Black Girl

Dear Youngin’,

Wow! Who would’ve thought you’d be here today. Who would of thought you’d learn so much in the span of two and a half years. It’s crazy where life takes you and sometimes it’s difficult to understand the journey but don’t ever question it.

Looking back there’s so many things I wish I could tell you but the truth be told, I wouldn’t be able to sit here and have this wisdom if you didn’t go through the situations that not only bent you a little or a lot but molded you into a fearless young beast.

So here’s some things you should know.

You Are Powerful

Don’t ever question what you’re capable of. As cliche as it sounds you have the ability to make a difference and you know exactly what you want to accomplish. Do not let the world and those around you sway you away from your destiny and truth. You can honestly do anything you put your mind to and the only thing standing in your way is YOU. Go for it!

You Are Worth It

You are worth waiting for. You are worth someone who will really be a someone who will uplift you and not tear you down. You are worthy of trust-filled friendships. You are worthy. Do not give into others demands because you feel as if you’re not worth this or that. Believe in your worth and know it without a doubt.

Stop Trying To Please Everyone

Look I get it. You’re new to this. You’ve never been on your own and had to deal with 4 roommates who are all completely different. You’ve never been separated from your friends of 10 years and had to make new ones but don’t feel like you have to make everyone happy. Not being rude but you physically cannot satisfy each and every person in your life. You just can’t and you know what? That’s Okay!

You Have Time

You are 18 years old. Don’t rush the process. You have plenty of time to be an adult. You have time to find a relationship. You have time to find a job and be free from your parents supporting you. Now at 21 I can say you’ll still struggle with this, it doesn’t just go away but really live in the moment. You’ll never be as young and free as you are today and take advantage of that. Live each day like it’s your last and enjoy it. Go to that party. Go to the dining hall with everyone even though you only have $15. Make the memories now because when your time does come and adulthood is really bestowed upon you. It’s these memories that will forever make you smile.

Call Home More

Check-in more than once a week. I know you’re busy and calling mom and dad just because seems pointless. I know mama calls at the absolute worst times and dad always calls at 8:30 on Saturday like you’re not still passed out from the night before but it’s just them missing you. Yes, you’re on your own now and an adult “technically” but you’ll always be their baby girl. They’re not being annoying, they’re just missing you.

Love,

Auri

What would you tell your freshman self?

Does staying in a relationship after being cheated on make you dumb?

Today was just one of those days. I woke up on the wrong side of the bed. See last night we got into the worst disagreement. It wasn’t just our typical “you’re so inconsiderate of my feelings” argument this time. We were on the verge of a break-up. Was I not doing enough? Is working a 9 to 5 with overtime not sexy? A strong black woman taking on responsibility was supposed to make me a winner. But at this very moment I did not feel that way. So I went through his phone about 5 pm yesterday. Only to find that he wasn’t at that so called “study session”. He was with Tommy. Tommy is on my “eh, haven’t figured you out yet” list. He’s far from a prince charming. I just knew he would let Tommy be the one to get him caught up. Anyway, I start going through the thread. We have screenshots of Tommy and his little sexting chronicles, pictures of dumb guy stuff and…. snap-chat screenshots.

This is when I started getting pissed off. Please tell me I’m not about to find him cheating. After scroll…and scrolling…and scrolling… I see that the conversation has been going on for some time now. At this point it is 6:15 pm. You’re wondering how I managed to find this huh? It wasn’t hard. Trust. Or at least when you pretend to trust one another. He has nothing to hide so he says. So every so often he allows me to take a peak. This time he didn’t have time to delete his messages. Yay me! I know it’s a lot but just bare with me. So I see some girl he claims is his “sister”. Eh I’m not buying it. How could I, when all I saw was explicit videos and pictures? The best part about my little investigation was her saving their messages from her end. Of course snapchat would allow you to save messages even if the other person does not care to. Smh. Snapchat has become the official dead zone. It is a trap, though I am grateful for it in this case.

So after I see the pictures I send him this extremely long message. His read receipts are on so I know he got my message. He read it at 7’oclock. At this point, I’m not feeling this late texting back. The way I feel it’s about to go down, right here, right now. I ask straight up, “what is going on?” He responds “Look…” “Nope, stop it right there.” I say. I begin to read him from A to Z. No shortcuts or holding back. I’m going full throttle on my Kill Bill vibe. Im beyond upset. All he says is “I’m sorry.” I’m sorry? Really? Do you know he had the audacity to say to me that he feels unloved. Unloved? *pause*

Okay so where were we? Right, this foolery. Am I getting left for another woman? So I start asking questions, as we do when we are upset and do not like the answer we were given. Yeah, like that. He says he doesn’t know if he wants to change his mind. Okay so I decided to leave the details on how I begged him not to leave me. Kill me with the know your worth crap because in this very instant I’m hurt. I want my man to stay. Maybe I can hear him out and figure how to fix things. Was it even fixable? So after a 4 hour conversation he decided he needed a break. Probably needed to go fill Tommy’s no good behind in. It’s not like he’s going to say anything. He likes to stay out of it when it gets too heated. Even when it is his fault, in a way.

He texts me back insisting we should talk. So I immediately Facetimed him. I need to see facial expressions. I need to feel what direction the conversation is going in. We started with the usual small talk, discuss how bad things got and he said if I could change then we could be together. He’d let her go for me. So I said “I’ll change.” He did not hesitate to say “Good, I didn’t want to lose you anyway.” On the plus side, we have been together for 9 months since that incident. No signs of cheating. No funny business after she cut chick off. We are doing great! I’m glad I stayed, unfortunately, my friends keep saying I’m dumb for staying. There was something in me that wouldn’t allow me to leave him.. I love that man.

So the question is:

Does staying in a relationship after being cheated on make you dumb?

Tag: cheating

A Letter To Freshman Me

Are You Foolish For Staying?