#MustKnow, Lifestyle, Motivation, Opinions, Thoughts of a Black Girl, Uncategorized, Urban Issues

Jealousy & Envy

Life isn’t always orgasms and roses. It has down moments and sometimes such moments bring pretty ugly emotions and actions. As women we should strive to uplift other women. We should cultivate kindness. But let’s be real. We have women we dislike. We have women who have disrespected us, seem to be out to get us, take pleasure in our mishaps, and may be envious of us. And it’s not always other women. Sometimes it’s you, sometimes it’s me, at times we become that woman. As a woman, just recently I fell short. I was that woman. I let my emotions get the best of me and dictate an irrational and mean decision. Later that week I meditated on my actions and realized how unpleasant I can be when I feel I have been disrespected or hurt. I realized the importance of addressing the feeling instead of acting on it or letting it consume me. In that particular moment, the feeling was envy.

  • Jealousy- feeling or showing envy of someone or their achievements and advantages.
  • Envy- a feeling of discontented or resentful longing aroused by someone else’s possessions, qualities, or luck.

We live in a time where people seem to directly correlate success with money or materialistic things with happiness. We tend to share just about everything with social media. Most important observation, everything looks fabulous or enticing. Does “congratulations” come to mind every time you see someone sharing something fabulous or does “why not me?” or “She doesn’t deserve that.” Whatever non-uplifting opinion comes to mind, know that experiencing feelings of jealousy, envy, or comparison from time to time are normal. Know that feeling jealousy or envy does not always mean you have low self-esteem. It could instead be that you think highly of yourself and believe that you deserve the very best, or as it relates to envy, “their best.” You’re not a bad person. Don’t beat yourself up about it or be ashamed to share. Instead, take steps to overcome such feelings. Don’t dwell in them. Why? Because YOU don’t benefit from feeling as such, these feelings only negatively affect YOU. Wishing bad on others or focusing on what others have will only block or delay your blessing.

I did some research, asked a few ladies, and incorporated actions that personally help me. Try them when you catch yourself resenting another’s achievement, possessions, looks, ect.

Three tips suggested from ThoughtCatalog:

  1. Embrace it

“Not that you should embrace not feeling good enough, but really feel on what it is that is troubling you and how you can change that.”

Take this opportunity to embrace the fact that you are acknowledging this negative feeling and determined to change this mindset by “figuring out why someone else’s achievements are brining you down instead of motivating you to do better.”

2. Stop seeking approval and being dependent on other people

“Stop seeking approval from and comparing yourself to other people, you are you and that is damn good enough.”

3. Be proud of yourself

“It is truly important to be proud of yourself and everything you achieve.”

4. Take a shower! Whenever I feel overwhelmed with emotions of jealousy or spending a little too much time on social media, essentially fantasizing on other people’s life, I turn my phone off and take a hot shower.

  • This essentially forces a break from doing so, gives me a moment to myself, and I’m not too interested to continue when I get out.

5. Go outside for a few minutes. Fresh air and sunshine makes a difference. A cool breeze and a night sky does as well.

  • Don’t think. Simply breathe in and out, take in the fresh air and everything around you.

6. Remind yourself of all your positive qualities. What is your favorite physical feature or characteristic about yourself? What do people tend to compliment the most or say they love about you? Remind yourself what makes you thebomb.com and own it.

  • Having trouble remembering qualities that contribute to your awesomeness? Has someone recently brought to your attention what they see as flaws? I want you to text three close friends or loved ones this: “Random, but what do you love about me? What do you see as my strengths?” or a more transparent route: “I’m feeling kind of less than right now; can you remind me what makes me beautiful?”

7. Write these negative thoughts down on a piece of paper. Talk shit. Get it all out on that piece of paper. Read it out loud, ball the paper up and throw it away- 

8.“I like to remind myself that being bitter does nothing for me but bring negativity in my life. That God has his own plan and blessings for me, so what a person may have wasn’t for me.” – Bestie.

9. Pamper yourself. Switch it up! Whether it’s hair, nails, a beat face, freshly threaded eyebrows, or shopping.

  • self pampering can be therapeutic.

None of these work(ed) for you? Share with us fellow modern black beauties your findings, tips, advice in regard to what may help or helped you.

In every crisis there is a message. Crises are nature’s way of forcing change — breaking down old structures, shaking loose negative habits so that something new and better can take their place.” — Susan L. Taylor

Leave a Reply