Category: Motivation

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Jealousy & Envy

Sandré

Life isn’t always orgasms and roses. It has down moments and sometimes such moments bring pretty ugly emotions and actions. As women we should strive to uplift other women. We should cultivate kindness. But let’s be real. We have women we dislike. We have women who have disrespected us, seem to be out to get us, take pleasure in our mishaps, and may be envious of us. And it’s not always other women. Sometimes it’s you, sometimes it’s me, at times we become that woman. As a woman, just recently I fell short. I was that woman. I let my emotions get the best of me and dictate an irrational and mean decision. Later that week I meditated on my actions and realized how unpleasant I can be when I feel I have been disrespected or hurt. I realized the importance of addressing the feeling instead of acting on it or letting it consume me. In that particular moment, the feeling was envy.

  • Jealousy- feeling or showing envy of someone or their achievements and advantages.
  • Envy- a feeling of discontented or resentful longing aroused by someone else’s possessions, qualities, or luck.

We live in a time where people seem to directly correlate success with money or materialistic things with happiness. We tend to share just about everything with social media. Most important observation, everything looks fabulous or enticing. Does “congratulations” come to mind every time you see someone sharing something fabulous or does “why not me?” or “She doesn’t deserve that.” Whatever non-uplifting opinion comes to mind, know that experiencing feelings of jealousy, envy, or comparison from time to time are normal. Know that feeling jealousy or envy does not always mean you have low self-esteem. It could instead be that you think highly of yourself and believe that you deserve the very best, or as it relates to envy, “their best.” You’re not a bad person. Don’t beat yourself up about it or be ashamed to share. Instead, take steps to overcome such feelings. Don’t dwell in them. Why? Because YOU don’t benefit from feeling as such, these feelings only negatively affect YOU. Wishing bad on others or focusing on what others have will only block or delay your blessing.

I did some research, asked a few ladies, and incorporated actions that personally help me. Try them when you catch yourself resenting another’s achievement, possessions, looks, ect.

Three tips suggested from ThoughtCatalog:

  1. Embrace it

“Not that you should embrace not feeling good enough, but really feel on what it is that is troubling you and how you can change that.”

Take this opportunity to embrace the fact that you are acknowledging this negative feeling and determined to change this mindset by “figuring out why someone else’s achievements are brining you down instead of motivating you to do better.”

2. Stop seeking approval and being dependent on other people

“Stop seeking approval from and comparing yourself to other people, you are you and that is damn good enough.”

3. Be proud of yourself

“It is truly important to be proud of yourself and everything you achieve.”

4. Take a shower! Whenever I feel overwhelmed with emotions of jealousy or spending a little too much time on social media, essentially fantasizing on other people’s life, I turn my phone off and take a hot shower.

  • This essentially forces a break from doing so, gives me a moment to myself, and I’m not too interested to continue when I get out.

5. Go outside for a few minutes. Fresh air and sunshine makes a difference. A cool breeze and a night sky does as well.

  • Don’t think. Simply breathe in and out, take in the fresh air and everything around you.

6. Remind yourself of all your positive qualities. What is your favorite physical feature or characteristic about yourself? What do people tend to compliment the most or say they love about you? Remind yourself what makes you thebomb.com and own it.

  • Having trouble remembering qualities that contribute to your awesomeness? Has someone recently brought to your attention what they see as flaws? I want you to text three close friends or loved ones this: “Random, but what do you love about me? What do you see as my strengths?” or a more transparent route: “I’m feeling kind of less than right now; can you remind me what makes me beautiful?”

7. Write these negative thoughts down on a piece of paper. Talk shit. Get it all out on that piece of paper. Read it out loud, ball the paper up and throw it away- 

8.“I like to remind myself that being bitter does nothing for me but bring negativity in my life. That God has his own plan and blessings for me, so what a person may have wasn’t for me.” – Bestie.

9. Pamper yourself. Switch it up! Whether it’s hair, nails, a beat face, freshly threaded eyebrows, or shopping.

  • self pampering can be therapeutic.

None of these work(ed) for you? Share with us fellow modern black beauties your findings, tips, advice in regard to what may help or helped you.

“In every crisis there is a message. Crises are nature’s way of forcing change — breaking down old structures, shaking loose negative habits so that something new and better can take their place.” — Susan L. Taylor

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Racism In Medicine

shaniselene

As a recent undergraduate pursuing a career in Dermatology, I’ve learned that there are numerous unspoken rules that aren’t taught in college. One of those rules included minorities having to work twice as hard to prove they are qualified to become a physician regardless if they exceed their medical school requirements. I came across an article stating that there were fewer black medical students in 2014 than in 1978. This small excerpt of information baffled me because the year of 1978 was closer to the days when racial prejudice was at its peak, but after shadowing various doctors, I grasped the concept as to why.

I’ve been blessed to have the opportunity to experience the daily routines of medical professionals both within and outside my area of interests, but I’ve noticed that although my resume surpassed the requirements of that office, there were certain occasions where I was, “handled differently”.  I remember visiting a local practice after emailing my resume, all forms of required documentation and my liability certificate and when we finally met in person, I was further interrogated; some of these questions had absolutely nothing to do with medicine or shadowing. The physician was quite bold and upfront, and even stated that they were surprised someone who looked like me didn’t consider a career in modeling or something of that nature. While most would be flattered by this suggestion, I was offended. I took the physician’s statement to heart because the doctor completely disregarded my qualifications due to my appearance and their preconceived notions. My second experience was during an event that I attended discussing women overcoming adversity and bias in medicine. Although I met the characteristics of being a women with a future in medicine, I was still judged because I was a minority; as if black students shouldn’t pursue careers in this field and should be overly applauded if they make the decision to do so.

It’s a tough pill to swallow, but I’ve accepted the reality. I understand that the individuals hosting most of the medical school interviews will be from the majority and a large number would agree that I do not meet the, “typical” physician standard; male and caucasian. I understand the importance of abiding by the rules until I get through the door, but I’ve made the conscious decision not to allow the prejudice stereotypes in medicine stop me from being myself (dolled up/possessing cosmetic interests) because I am intelligent, ambitious, professional and know that I have what it takes to be a physician. As long as I ensure that I am studying, putting in the work, remaining humble and grounded, and keeping my faith first, I cannot lose. Indeed, it will be a challenge, but inevitably worth it in the end. I not only want to improve the overall health of my patient’s skin, but provide them with knowledge on how to live a healthier lifestyle, provide the tools they need to sustain it as well as alternative options that do not require prescription medication. It’s unfortunate, but we lack doctors who know how to treat ethnic skin and it’s an underserved community that need fair and honest assistance and practice in the field of Dermatology. Whatever your passion may be, please do not allow the odds to come against you. Things may be challenging, but nothing worth having comes easy. Remember that it’s ok to bend, but never break sis…ever.

Education, Motivation, TheMBG, Thoughts of a Black Girl

Toast To New Beginnings

Auriel S

Graduation Season.

The time where we celebrate those who have crossed over into the adult world and have checked off their box of receiving their long-awaited and deserved degree. Graduates all across the country are embarking on this new journey called adult-hood and let’s face it. It’s not the easiest thing in life. No one truly understands what it’s like to go from being in school and whether or not you’re self-sufficient or depend on your parents or parental figure for support but to be now thrown the curve of the world expecting so much more out of you.

Someone once told me, “In college you’re still cute and cuddly. People still want to help you out but when you graduate you’re now competition and you’re on your own.” As friends graduate and look toward their future. I can’t help but realize that this so true. They no longer are looked at as the young adults who are striving to provide a better future for themselves but accomplish their dreams; but more so as competitors looking to enter their field. The unfortunate truth is this principle still remains in so many people in the different industries across the spectrum. But don’t let this deter you from helping or reaching to someone you know or may not know and offering your expertise when you see fit. As a graduate there’s so many people who could use your guidance and wisdom and sometimes it’s just that one person that change someone’s direction of life.

Graduating… It’s hard, yes but it’s also a new beginning. It’s the time now where they can shine and showcase all the different skills and knowledge they’ve obtained throughout their academic career and begin to make their impact on the world. Nurses, marketing executives, entrepreneurs, accountants, engineers and psychologist just to name a few. All just waiting in the shadows for their moment to change lives and ultimately the world.

So whether this is your first degree or your PhD. Congratulations to all of the beautiful black women and (men) of course for all your hard work. Take the time to enjoy it but don’t become complacent. Continue striving for greatness and achieving all your goals. I am proud of you.

CHEERS TO YOU.

Lifestyle, Motivation, Opinions, Uncategorized

Be Selfish With Your Time And Money

Pierrelanda

My finances are in a much better state then they were last year. In order for me to get to this point I had to make some very necessary changes.I was no longer transferring money from my saving account into my checking account just to stay afloat.I became very selfish with my time. I was no longer going out of my way just for the sake of being nice.If you want something from me please know that I expect something in exchange for my efforts.Will I be compensated for my services? Will this experience help me grow as a person?

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It’s not always about money but, I need  to know what’s in it for me. What will I gain from using my time,talents and skills for someone else’s benefit other than being told “Thanks, you’re so sweet for helping”.No! That’s cancelled.Gone are those days when I used to take Uber’s and city buses around town just to help someone in ways that were convenient for them.

I had to learn that people will continue to use you, if you allow them too.
If you have a side hustle or skill how many of the people in your circle are willing to support you without discounts and handouts? Please know your friends aren’t your friends if they are not willing to pay you for your work but are willing to pay a stranger full price.
Ladies, you are the boss of you. Don’t let other people bully or guilt you in to working for free. Know your worth!

When did you start living for you?

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Self Love

shaniselene

There comes a point in time where life events take place that affect our self esteem. Whether it’s being laid off from your job, you’re experiencing a random breakout or grieving a traumatizing breakup, it all has an impact on our self esteem. Based on my experiences, if it wasn’t for the love and value I possess for myself, I would not have survived certain situations.

Being confident in who you are gives you the freedom to refrain from subjecting yourself to what others think. I stumbled across a suggested page on one of my social media handles and the young lady posted a video responding to negative comments about her weight. She politely stated that she is aware that she is, “skinny” and is satisfied with her size. The young lady also rejected any suggestions that have been made to gain weight similar to her sister’s. My favorite portion of the video was when she made it a point to elaborate regardless of the number of hate comments she acquired, the bottom line is, “I love me”.

Most of us have a difficult time admitting this, but only a portion of us can actually agree with her statement; some of us actually aren’t satisfied with who we are. The minute our skin is compromised, we start to wonder if our significant other would still view us in the same light or if our peers would respect us in the same manner if we decrease our weekend outings due to a job loss. We all have insecurities, as we should because it keeps us humble and we are human, but we should not allow the things that we aren’t pleased with to dictate our overall perception of ourselves. 

It may be hard to stomach, but self love doesn’t happen when everything is going well; it takes place during hard times. The stages that take place before obtaining true self love can be perceived as boot camp; it’s there to strip away remnants that no longer serve a purpose and mold you into the person who you are within. If you are reading this, love yourself on your good days and even more on your bad days, reward yourself for all of your accomplishments regardless of how minor they be, stop looking for validation from others because you are your biggest competition and always remember that no one will love you like YOU.

Motivation, Thoughts of a Black Girl

If it’s mediocre I don’t want it!

Sandré

Yesterday I gave myself a pep talk in the mirror. Ever feel like you’re downplaying your worth or skills out of fear, worry, or uncertainty? As random as this pep talk was it had me suddenly overcome with confidence and a sense of relief. I remembered who I was. I remembered what I wanted. And most importantly, I remembered what I did not want.

Sometimes you have to look yourself in the mirror and remember who the HELL YOU ARE. Yes. Remind Yourself what makes you YOU. What makes you so Great? Maybe it’s the way you talk, your public speaking skills are superb. Maybe it’s the way you carry yourself, you’ve been told your presence is comforting. Maybe it’s the advice you give, you unintentionally build people up and leave words that inspire them. Maybe it’s your work ethic? Maybe it’s your ambition? Maybe it’s your confidence, your talent, or your ability to be entirely transparent and welcoming of others. Maybe it’s the fact that you throw down in the kitchen. You’re funny? I’m a firm believer laughter heals! We are all different, we are all unique, therefore the possibilities and various characteristics that make you YOU, of course will vary. Furthermore, it will not be just one. Multiple attributes contribute to a black woman’s greatness.

Remind yourself what it is you want. Don’t be afraid to set the standard high for yourself. Don’t shy away from what you know you want or deserve because circumstances have you caught up and questioning everything. Nothing is perfect, and we must crawl before we walk, BUT, if it’s what you for sure don’t want, don’t convince yourself that you won’t obtain better! Look in that mirror. Have a heart to heart with yourself and remind yourself what it is YOU WANT. What are YOUR heart desires because at the end of the day who has to live with the decisions made? YOU. Refusing to let go of what doesn’t deserve you only leads to wasting time or missing out on a blessing. Be extra. If it’s mediocre and you know it’s not what you want or in your best interest let’s keep it pushing.

Happy Monday Modern black beauties! Let a positive quote by 8 dictate your day.

#MustKnow, Business, Business, Careers, Education, Faith, Health, Lifestyle, Motivation, Opinions, TheMBG, Thoughts of a Black Girl, Uncategorized

From Independence to Parental Supervision (Again)

shaniselene

One of the most challenging aspects about adulthood is decision making; quite ironic for an individual preparing to be a doctor right? I’m currently in the position in which I have to decide if I’m going to renew the least of my condo or take my father’s offer to move in with him to solely focus on school. If your’e an independent modernista like myself, then you know this is sparring with my pride.

I’ve weighed all of my pros and cons in regards to accepting his offer and all of the positives such as saving money, having the ability to allot more time to my studies and the decrease in excessive bills outweighed the negative. I’ve been living on my own since college, so the thought of living under parental supervision gives me slight anxiety. However, I am fully aware that once I officially begin medical school, I won’t be able to work a full time job. Although there are a rare percentage of medical students who do work, it’s usually a part time form of employment if they must.

I always used to say once I moved out, I’m out for good, but then I had to realize that accepting help from your parents is not only a rational decision, but an intelligent one. I feel blessed to be able to have the help that I do and I’m cognizant that it’s vital that I welcome the assistance because there will be a point in time where they will no longer be able to help me; the tables will turn and will then be my job to tend to them. I have my (5) year plan written out in order for me to stay on track, add or subtract certain factors and see my overall progress from start to finish, but my decision is still pending. My renewal is due very soon and my time is becoming limited, but after weighing my pros and cons, reviewing my plan and with additional prayer, I’m confident my decision will be the right one. If anyone is in a similar situation, I encourage you to make rational and emotionless decisions, weigh your options and make the choice that’s going to help propel you in reaching your goals.

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Success, Sacrifices and Stepping Out On Faith

shaniselene

Hey Modernistas!,

The question of the day is, “What does success mean to you”? We all have our own interpretation of what it looks like, but most of us aren’t sure of where to begin. Key factors such as making sacrifices and stepping out on faith are vital to ensure you reach your goals. Want additional insight? Check out the link for more: Success, Sacrifices & Stepping Out On Faith!

Motivation, Thoughts of a Black Girl

Door Shut

Sandré

I’m convinced men have an internal subconscious alarm that goes off when a female is flourishing or going through it with her man because new prospects and the past always seem to find their way to you during these times. I had a moment the other day. My first love reached out. Like most relationships, before things ended, there were many beautiful times. Things in other areas of my life have been a little shaky: finals, work, new housing arrangements, and a lot of decision making. He caught me at a vulnerable time. I almost responded too, but I remembered my why.

In high school I had a friend who was very negative. The foundation of our friendship was gossiping, what ifs’, and seeing the bad in everything. We had hilarious moments and numerous adventures, but the negativity we consistently consumed and spoke was toxic. By the time I went off to college and exposed myself to uplifting and like-minded people, ambition wise, I slowly cut that relationship off. This friend had reached out and I almost revived that relationship, but after a conversation that went as expected, I remembered my why and kept it pushing.

Let’s continue.

Consider all the goals you have in mind for your life. Take a moment and visualize one of the aspirations you hold dear to your heart coming to pass. Feel it. Feels good right? Now, take into consideration the current mindset you have in comparison to the mindset you once had. What is the main difference between the two? I hope your answer was growth! With time comes growth. Physically and mentally. When it comes to manifesting what we want in this life, not only do we have to have the mindset to go get it, but we have to self- check/ self-reflect frequently and make sure that we are placing ourselves in a position to receive and take advantage of all opportunities. This being stated, whatever is from the past, whatever it may be, if it does not serve you in a positive way, don’t backtrack. If you find yourself mentally drained or hurting because you are overextending resources or help to a situation that is not reciprocating efforts, consider your end goal. Consider your why. Let us remember the results of the 1st,2nd, and 3rd time we fed into that situation. Everything happens for a reason and some things are only meant to last for a season. Sometimes certain people or situations happen to teach a lesson, strengthen you, or revive a dream. Stay focused. Don’t let people or circumstances distract you from your purpose.

Ask yourself these four questions:

  1. Why did things go left?
  2. Does the positive outweigh the negative that came from this?
  3. How do I feel now in comparison to how I felt when I was in it?
  4. Was it strengthening me emotionally or taking away?

Furthermore, note that it’s not always people or a “situation.” Sometimes it’s what you used to watch or listen to. Whatever your case may be, your business is yours and depending on your responses to the previous questions tell you what’s best for you and whether or not you should keep that door shut!

Motivation, Thoughts of a Black Girl

Monday Push

Sandré

Ever find yourself in an uncomfortable space? A space where things seem to not be going as planned. You’ve always been pretty good at making things happen behind the scenes and have never been afraid to take risks. I personally always tell myself, “things will always work itself out” and “money will always find its way back.” Realistically, this is not always the case. Maybe these last few weeks money is tight, and things do not seem to be working themselves out. In fact, mental breakdowns are reoccurring. Sometimes we become so overwhelmed or displeased with our reality that we find ourselves dwelling in self-pity, thinking we are less than, and even questioning God, asking why certain things aren’t happening as quickly or in the manner that we would like. We even begin to compare our situation with others, and of course from “an outside looking in perspective.” Check this out:

WE ARE ALL ON DIFFERENT PATHS…

Don’t let anyone or any circumstance convince you that you’re not good enough. I don’t care if you didn’t maintain a 3.0 GPA like your sibling. I don’t care if your parents don’t agree with past decisions you’ve made. You didn’t listen to wise counsel (been there. Done that. We all can relate.) and now all you hear is the “I told you so’s.” Maybe the path towards your success is a little riskier and not as straight and narrow as entering a guaranteed profession upon graduating. Maybe the consequences of past decisions knocked you off your path for a little bit. You want to be a rock star. She wants to be a lawyer. You want to be a Contract Specialist. She wants to be a teacher. You want it all. She wants it all. Let’s be clear, we are all worthy of just that. You were made with purpose and intention and past mistakes do not diminish your worth as an individual or discredit your accomplishments. Comparing yourself to someone else is a losing formula.

Embrace YOU.

Happy Monday Ladies!

– XO