Category: Thoughts of a Black Girl

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Fresh Faced

shaniselene

Tomorrow marks the final day of my makeup detox and I must say that I see a significant difference in my skin. Although I absolutely enjoy being dolled up, I usually take pride in my, “Fresh Faced” days. Disciplining myself to go makeup free for an entire week was a slight challenge this go around because I am still recovering from the allergic reaction that I experienced about a month ago. I was so determined to stick to this detox that in the event that I had to run an errand or leave the house, I wore a medical mask to cover the areas from the sun (oddly enough, I still got hit on and approached, but that’s for another blog post lol).

This detox has allowed me to pinpoint certain products and ingredients that don’t agree with my skin and also served as an example for what happens when wearing makeup excessively. Typically, the longest I’d wear makeup is around eight hours, but between relocating within the last two weeks and entertaining guests that were in town, I wore makeup for thirteen hours over the course of three consecutive days and the irritation that I experienced was a clear indicator that this wasn’t something my skin was accustomed to. Initially, I thought that I was building an allergy to my foundation, but quickly came to the conclusion that wearing it more than my regular regimen. Most are unaware of this, but a majority of skin allergies stem from products already introduced to the skin. For example, you could be using a facial cleanser for ten years and the eleventh year, have an adverse reaction to it.

If you’re a product junkie like myself, I suggest doing an at home patch test if you’re unaware of ingredients that don’t agree with your skin. The area on your inner wrist and forearm are the closest to the skin on your face. Apply a pea size amount of the new product (label if it’s more than one) and allow to sit for (24) hours. If you notice any signs of inflammation or bumps, that is a clear indication of an irritant. If you’d like to take it a step further, you can ask your physician if they offer medical patch tests at their office or to direct you to a physician that does. The process is quite similar, but instead of (24) hours, a patch test panel is taped to your back for (48) hours. They can test anything from makeup to latex to decipher what you are allergic to. Since I am constantly asked about skincare, I also recommend getting your blood type tested. Once your blood type is identified, you can obtain a list of foods and ingredients that aren’t suitable for it. This serves as a great way to clear your skin if you are experiencing problems, but as always, I advise everyone who seeks my advice to speak to a Dermatologist; they are not only professional, but have the access to tools and additional knowledge to conduct further research and can confirm if your skin concerns are dietary, hormonally or cosmetically related.

Aside from giving your skin a breather, I encourage all cosmetic lovers to indulge in a makeup detox. My face is brighter, more even and supple. Not only is it great for your skin, but it helps fuel your self confidence if your suffer with insecurities of going bare. There is something empowering about not wearing makeup and living in your natural truth. For those of you who aren’t as comfortable going makeup free, this is a great way to start. As aesthetically pleasing as you may be externally, remember that beauty fades and at the end of the day, YOU have to be ok with what you see in the mirror when you wake up in the morning, so love yourself wholeheartedly; imperfections and all.

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Likes for your Soul?

shaniselene

Social media platforms such as, Instagram, are not only updating constantly, but evolving on a tremendous level. As a blogger, it is important to consistently post quality content in order to maintain your brand, however, Instagram’s recent changes has made it extremely difficult to reach new accounts and engage with others on the platform; even your current followers have become more difficult to connect with due to the algorithm. 

Most of us would agree that the order in which your feed is displayed is one of the worst attributes of Instagram, but I believe the affect it has on the psyche and our self esteem takes the cake. Rather than utilizing this social media outlet to connect with family and friends whom you may not be able to engage with on a daily basis, it is now used to obtain followers, likes and views. To make matters worse, people are willing to do anything for attention; anything to get them seen. This includes paying ridiculous sums of money for advertisements and promotions to compromising their morals and values. 

For those of us like myself, who’s accustomed to being in the spotlight or characterized as the popular kid in school, attention isn’t something you crave when it’s always been handed to you. Please be advised that I am not excluding myself from experiencing a time of self doubt due to social media, however, the confidence and self assurance that I have both internally and externally play a major role in preventing me from falling victim to the psychological plague of Instagram.

Although I’ve received from flack from friends, outsiders and individuals with cyber courage that stated I wouldn’t be able to relate to certain struggles on Instagram because I meet a majority of the standards of beauty or been trendy before Instagram existed, my main goal is to educate and inspire others through my medical school journey, new ventures throughout my career and levels in which God has brought me to and places He intends to take me. I want others to know that He can do the same for them and not to allow the perception of society limit them to what they can do. 

No shade to the accounts that have reached large pinnacles of success, but most of them eat, live and sleep Instagram and have nothing else going on for themselves outside of it. When you begin collaborating with other bloggers or influencers, receive deals from major companies and network with successful individuals in the industry, you learn that IG is not all it’s cracked up to be. It isn’t REAL. The more you begin to focus on all of the positives in your life, what you currently have and cultivating the things in your world, the hype of Instagram will begin to fade and eventually, you won’t even notice it. Remember to water your own grass rather than sprinting in a never ending rat race chasing something unobtainable.

Community, Dating, Education, Faith, Featured, Health, Love, Relationships, Sex, TheMBG, Thoughts of a Black Girl, Uncategorized, Urban Issues

Soul Ties

shaniselene

Many of us fail to realize the severity of soul ties when we make the decision to lay down with someone. We often hide behind coined terms such as, “savage” and “nonchalant” rather than surrendering to our emotions that follow physical intimacy. Although there are many of us (despite what society believes) that have the ability to carry on as if nothing ever happened after the, “deed is done”, most of us need to admit that as time progresses, feelings eventually resurface and for others, they tend to linger. 

Think about your experiences; are you aware of an individual that you just can’t seem to get rid of? You all may fuss and fight, have spontaneous arguments, take time apart, but then happen to find your way back to one another. Even if you’re cognizant that this person may not be good for you, they aren’t mature enough, ready or on your level, somehow you manage to look past every red flag waived in your direction due to hope, “what-ifs” and unknown soul ties. 

Spiritual bonds such as these require prayer in order to be released. No amount of social media purging and avoidance or deleting contact information and pictures will rid you of what has been internally housed. This is why sex goes deeper than penetration and stimulation; you become one with that individual during the act.

As you mature and the more seasoned you become in life, you learn loving someone does not warrant a relationship. The more time you indulge in your singleness and explore who you are as a person, you will begin to grasp the concept of what you like, dislike and need. Often times, the person that we believe to be our soul mate isn’t meant to be our life partner. With wisdom comes understanding; understanding that what you need from a person to function throughout life is far more important that what you may desire. Many of us have soul ties that we’re unaware of, but in order for you to be freed from something keeping you hostage, you must claim it.

Community, Motivation, Thoughts of a Black Girl

Monday kick: Vision

Sandré

How many of you have shared a dream or vision with someone and he or she quickly shut it down or began telling you what they think you should or shouldn’t do? Sometimes what may seem like the most logical and reasonable thing to do might be what will lead to you feeling trapped, confused, and unhappy. I believe people’s negative doubts regarding our visions and ambitions tend to come from their personal past experiences, fear of change, mixed emotions, fear of the unknown, or from a perception of simply not understanding. Don’t be so quick to let others determine your plan of action. Don’t burden yourself with trying to make them understand. Don’t fear being judged. Don’t fear small beginnings. Turn all fear into fuel to get what you want. Pray. Meditate. Sit on it. Listen to that inner voice. I recently had an amazing conversation with a phenomenal woman last week and these words truly resonated with me:

“Do you. Don’t be afraid of what people will think. A lot of people are not even doing what they want to do, so don’t let them tell you what you should or shouldn’t do. Make your own lane!”                                                                                                   

  – Michelle Welch.

I Hope everyone had a lovely weekend and will have an even lovelier Monday. Check these sources out below for a further Monday motivation kick. Whether you play it as you get dressed, cook, or driving in your car. Starting the day with inspiring content goes a long way!

xoxo 

Happy Monday!

Lisa Nichols –  How to turn fear into fuel

Les Brown –  Commit yourself to what you want

Gary V. –  Worried about being judged  (his motivational videos tend to have a lot of profanity, so if you’re sensitive to foul language, no worries, feel free to skip!)

 

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Blessings In Disguise

shaniselene

The most gut wrenching aspect about life is the simple fact that regardless of the choices you make for yourself, you will never be in complete control of your circumstances. If you’re a perfectionist like myself, the activities that take place in your daily routine are predominately scheduled. Whether it be event and work meetings or the day, time and amount of funds that are to be removed in order to contribute to bills, everything is done in a timely manner. Unfortunately, you come to the realization that although you make your best efforts to ensure that you’ve dotted all of your, “I’s” and crossed all of your, “T’s”, unforeseen events still take place. 

A perfect example of this was when I originally moved into my condo. I was about (3) months in and the 1st week of the month quickly approached and I noticed a notification from my real estate company stating that the confirmation number for this month’s rent reflected an incomplete payment. To my surprise, I called my bank to find out that I was a victim of card theft and due to suspicious activity taking place on my account, they decided to freeze it. I was grateful that the institution whom I bank with was able to locate the discrepancy before any further damage took place on my account, but frustrated because due to their inability to notify me in a timely manner, my rent was late and an additional late fee was added to my overall payment. Had I foreseen this in the future, I would’ve transferred my funds into my second account.

I provided this past experience because it served as a teaching moment. There have been so many unexpected things taking place in my life in which I lack understanding. Typically when I endure these kind of events, God is up to something; something in which I prayed for. Storms always come before your shower of blessings, but it’s important to handle them in manner that reflects your trust for Him. Everything I’ve been asking Him is coming to fruition, but not in the way I thought it would. Usually, it happens this way; we ask for things, but then begin to question our desires because it doesn’t happen how or when we want it to. I ask that you be encouraged, stay focused and endure the storm because your time is coming.

#MustKnow, Lifestyle, Motivation, Opinions, Thoughts of a Black Girl, Uncategorized, Urban Issues

Jealousy & Envy

Sandré

Life isn’t always orgasms and roses. It has down moments and sometimes such moments bring pretty ugly emotions and actions. As women we should strive to uplift other women. We should cultivate kindness. But let’s be real. We have women we dislike. We have women who have disrespected us, seem to be out to get us, take pleasure in our mishaps, and may be envious of us. And it’s not always other women. Sometimes it’s you, sometimes it’s me, at times we become that woman. As a woman, just recently I fell short. I was that woman. I let my emotions get the best of me and dictate an irrational and mean decision. Later that week I meditated on my actions and realized how unpleasant I can be when I feel I have been disrespected or hurt. I realized the importance of addressing the feeling instead of acting on it or letting it consume me. In that particular moment, the feeling was envy.

  • Jealousy- feeling or showing envy of someone or their achievements and advantages.
  • Envy- a feeling of discontented or resentful longing aroused by someone else’s possessions, qualities, or luck.

We live in a time where people seem to directly correlate success with money or materialistic things with happiness. We tend to share just about everything with social media. Most important observation, everything looks fabulous or enticing. Does “congratulations” come to mind every time you see someone sharing something fabulous or does “why not me?” or “She doesn’t deserve that.” Whatever non-uplifting opinion comes to mind, know that experiencing feelings of jealousy, envy, or comparison from time to time are normal. Know that feeling jealousy or envy does not always mean you have low self-esteem. It could instead be that you think highly of yourself and believe that you deserve the very best, or as it relates to envy, “their best.” You’re not a bad person. Don’t beat yourself up about it or be ashamed to share. Instead, take steps to overcome such feelings. Don’t dwell in them. Why? Because YOU don’t benefit from feeling as such, these feelings only negatively affect YOU. Wishing bad on others or focusing on what others have will only block or delay your blessing.

I did some research, asked a few ladies, and incorporated actions that personally help me. Try them when you catch yourself resenting another’s achievement, possessions, looks, ect.

Three tips suggested from ThoughtCatalog:

  1. Embrace it

“Not that you should embrace not feeling good enough, but really feel on what it is that is troubling you and how you can change that.”

Take this opportunity to embrace the fact that you are acknowledging this negative feeling and determined to change this mindset by “figuring out why someone else’s achievements are brining you down instead of motivating you to do better.”

2. Stop seeking approval and being dependent on other people

“Stop seeking approval from and comparing yourself to other people, you are you and that is damn good enough.”

3. Be proud of yourself

“It is truly important to be proud of yourself and everything you achieve.”

4. Take a shower! Whenever I feel overwhelmed with emotions of jealousy or spending a little too much time on social media, essentially fantasizing on other people’s life, I turn my phone off and take a hot shower.

  • This essentially forces a break from doing so, gives me a moment to myself, and I’m not too interested to continue when I get out.

5. Go outside for a few minutes. Fresh air and sunshine makes a difference. A cool breeze and a night sky does as well.

  • Don’t think. Simply breathe in and out, take in the fresh air and everything around you.

6. Remind yourself of all your positive qualities. What is your favorite physical feature or characteristic about yourself? What do people tend to compliment the most or say they love about you? Remind yourself what makes you thebomb.com and own it.

  • Having trouble remembering qualities that contribute to your awesomeness? Has someone recently brought to your attention what they see as flaws? I want you to text three close friends or loved ones this: “Random, but what do you love about me? What do you see as my strengths?” or a more transparent route: “I’m feeling kind of less than right now; can you remind me what makes me beautiful?”

7. Write these negative thoughts down on a piece of paper. Talk shit. Get it all out on that piece of paper. Read it out loud, ball the paper up and throw it away- 

8.“I like to remind myself that being bitter does nothing for me but bring negativity in my life. That God has his own plan and blessings for me, so what a person may have wasn’t for me.” – Bestie.

9. Pamper yourself. Switch it up! Whether it’s hair, nails, a beat face, freshly threaded eyebrows, or shopping.

  • self pampering can be therapeutic.

None of these work(ed) for you? Share with us fellow modern black beauties your findings, tips, advice in regard to what may help or helped you.

“In every crisis there is a message. Crises are nature’s way of forcing change — breaking down old structures, shaking loose negative habits so that something new and better can take their place.” — Susan L. Taylor

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Racism In Medicine

shaniselene

As a recent undergraduate pursuing a career in Dermatology, I’ve learned that there are numerous unspoken rules that aren’t taught in college. One of those rules included minorities having to work twice as hard to prove they are qualified to become a physician regardless if they exceed their medical school requirements. I came across an article stating that there were fewer black medical students in 2014 than in 1978. This small excerpt of information baffled me because the year of 1978 was closer to the days when racial prejudice was at its peak, but after shadowing various doctors, I grasped the concept as to why.

I’ve been blessed to have the opportunity to experience the daily routines of medical professionals both within and outside my area of interests, but I’ve noticed that although my resume surpassed the requirements of that office, there were certain occasions where I was, “handled differently”.  I remember visiting a local practice after emailing my resume, all forms of required documentation and my liability certificate and when we finally met in person, I was further interrogated; some of these questions had absolutely nothing to do with medicine or shadowing. The physician was quite bold and upfront, and even stated that they were surprised someone who looked like me didn’t consider a career in modeling or something of that nature. While most would be flattered by this suggestion, I was offended. I took the physician’s statement to heart because the doctor completely disregarded my qualifications due to my appearance and their preconceived notions. My second experience was during an event that I attended discussing women overcoming adversity and bias in medicine. Although I met the characteristics of being a women with a future in medicine, I was still judged because I was a minority; as if black students shouldn’t pursue careers in this field and should be overly applauded if they make the decision to do so.

It’s a tough pill to swallow, but I’ve accepted the reality. I understand that the individuals hosting most of the medical school interviews will be from the majority and a large number would agree that I do not meet the, “typical” physician standard; male and caucasian. I understand the importance of abiding by the rules until I get through the door, but I’ve made the conscious decision not to allow the prejudice stereotypes in medicine stop me from being myself (dolled up/possessing cosmetic interests) because I am intelligent, ambitious, professional and know that I have what it takes to be a physician. As long as I ensure that I am studying, putting in the work, remaining humble and grounded, and keeping my faith first, I cannot lose. Indeed, it will be a challenge, but inevitably worth it in the end. I not only want to improve the overall health of my patient’s skin, but provide them with knowledge on how to live a healthier lifestyle, provide the tools they need to sustain it as well as alternative options that do not require prescription medication. It’s unfortunate, but we lack doctors who know how to treat ethnic skin and it’s an underserved community that need fair and honest assistance and practice in the field of Dermatology. Whatever your passion may be, please do not allow the odds to come against you. Things may be challenging, but nothing worth having comes easy. Remember that it’s ok to bend, but never break sis…ever.

Education, Motivation, TheMBG, Thoughts of a Black Girl

Toast To New Beginnings

Auriel S

Graduation Season.

The time where we celebrate those who have crossed over into the adult world and have checked off their box of receiving their long-awaited and deserved degree. Graduates all across the country are embarking on this new journey called adult-hood and let’s face it. It’s not the easiest thing in life. No one truly understands what it’s like to go from being in school and whether or not you’re self-sufficient or depend on your parents or parental figure for support but to be now thrown the curve of the world expecting so much more out of you.

Someone once told me, “In college you’re still cute and cuddly. People still want to help you out but when you graduate you’re now competition and you’re on your own.” As friends graduate and look toward their future. I can’t help but realize that this so true. They no longer are looked at as the young adults who are striving to provide a better future for themselves but accomplish their dreams; but more so as competitors looking to enter their field. The unfortunate truth is this principle still remains in so many people in the different industries across the spectrum. But don’t let this deter you from helping or reaching to someone you know or may not know and offering your expertise when you see fit. As a graduate there’s so many people who could use your guidance and wisdom and sometimes it’s just that one person that change someone’s direction of life.

Graduating… It’s hard, yes but it’s also a new beginning. It’s the time now where they can shine and showcase all the different skills and knowledge they’ve obtained throughout their academic career and begin to make their impact on the world. Nurses, marketing executives, entrepreneurs, accountants, engineers and psychologist just to name a few. All just waiting in the shadows for their moment to change lives and ultimately the world.

So whether this is your first degree or your PhD. Congratulations to all of the beautiful black women and (men) of course for all your hard work. Take the time to enjoy it but don’t become complacent. Continue striving for greatness and achieving all your goals. I am proud of you.

CHEERS TO YOU.

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Self Love

shaniselene

There comes a point in time where life events take place that affect our self esteem. Whether it’s being laid off from your job, you’re experiencing a random breakout or grieving a traumatizing breakup, it all has an impact on our self esteem. Based on my experiences, if it wasn’t for the love and value I possess for myself, I would not have survived certain situations.

Being confident in who you are gives you the freedom to refrain from subjecting yourself to what others think. I stumbled across a suggested page on one of my social media handles and the young lady posted a video responding to negative comments about her weight. She politely stated that she is aware that she is, “skinny” and is satisfied with her size. The young lady also rejected any suggestions that have been made to gain weight similar to her sister’s. My favorite portion of the video was when she made it a point to elaborate regardless of the number of hate comments she acquired, the bottom line is, “I love me”.

Most of us have a difficult time admitting this, but only a portion of us can actually agree with her statement; some of us actually aren’t satisfied with who we are. The minute our skin is compromised, we start to wonder if our significant other would still view us in the same light or if our peers would respect us in the same manner if we decrease our weekend outings due to a job loss. We all have insecurities, as we should because it keeps us humble and we are human, but we should not allow the things that we aren’t pleased with to dictate our overall perception of ourselves. 

It may be hard to stomach, but self love doesn’t happen when everything is going well; it takes place during hard times. The stages that take place before obtaining true self love can be perceived as boot camp; it’s there to strip away remnants that no longer serve a purpose and mold you into the person who you are within. If you are reading this, love yourself on your good days and even more on your bad days, reward yourself for all of your accomplishments regardless of how minor they be, stop looking for validation from others because you are your biggest competition and always remember that no one will love you like YOU.

Motivation, Thoughts of a Black Girl

If it’s mediocre I don’t want it!

Sandré

Yesterday I gave myself a pep talk in the mirror. Ever feel like you’re downplaying your worth or skills out of fear, worry, or uncertainty? As random as this pep talk was it had me suddenly overcome with confidence and a sense of relief. I remembered who I was. I remembered what I wanted. And most importantly, I remembered what I did not want.

Sometimes you have to look yourself in the mirror and remember who the HELL YOU ARE. Yes. Remind Yourself what makes you YOU. What makes you so Great? Maybe it’s the way you talk, your public speaking skills are superb. Maybe it’s the way you carry yourself, you’ve been told your presence is comforting. Maybe it’s the advice you give, you unintentionally build people up and leave words that inspire them. Maybe it’s your work ethic? Maybe it’s your ambition? Maybe it’s your confidence, your talent, or your ability to be entirely transparent and welcoming of others. Maybe it’s the fact that you throw down in the kitchen. You’re funny? I’m a firm believer laughter heals! We are all different, we are all unique, therefore the possibilities and various characteristics that make you YOU, of course will vary. Furthermore, it will not be just one. Multiple attributes contribute to a black woman’s greatness.

Remind yourself what it is you want. Don’t be afraid to set the standard high for yourself. Don’t shy away from what you know you want or deserve because circumstances have you caught up and questioning everything. Nothing is perfect, and we must crawl before we walk, BUT, if it’s what you for sure don’t want, don’t convince yourself that you won’t obtain better! Look in that mirror. Have a heart to heart with yourself and remind yourself what it is YOU WANT. What are YOUR heart desires because at the end of the day who has to live with the decisions made? YOU. Refusing to let go of what doesn’t deserve you only leads to wasting time or missing out on a blessing. Be extra. If it’s mediocre and you know it’s not what you want or in your best interest let’s keep it pushing.

Happy Monday Modern black beauties! Let a positive quote by 8 dictate your day.